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ON BORES. 



Cease rude Bore " Old Song. 



WITH the forms, habits, instincts, and capacities of nearly every beast 

 of the forest, bird of the air, and fish of the sea, we, the lords of the 

 creation, are, thanks to Buffon, Audubon, Wilson, and the other learned 

 zoologists, ornithologists, and icyonthologists, by this time tolerably 

 familiar tolerably do I say ? entirely, perfectly. We are as well 

 acquainted with the internal politics of a bee-hive, as though we had a 

 " voice potential" in their senate, or presided at the cabinet council at 

 which the bill of pains and penalties against their queen is resolved 

 upon. We know all that is remarkable in rats (no offence to any 

 man of quality), beautiful in butterflies, or wonderful in woodcocks. 

 The diet of Worms has supplied no with-food-for meditation, and a 

 convocation of politic cows has often made us ruminating animals, 

 " chewing the cud of sweet and bitter fancies." There is, however, 

 one animal, or rather would it were not so one class of animals 

 which, though common as blackberries, and indigenous to every clime, 

 from " Indus to the pole," has yet, by some unaccountable negligence 

 yet unexplained, entirely escaped the researches of our naturalists ; the 

 name that it bears is not to be found in the index of the Naturalists' 

 Library. Nor is its form to be seen " as our rarer monsters are " on 

 the acres of canons affixed outside those perambulatory menageries, 

 which haunt our fairs, attracting the admiring eyes of the rising gene- 

 ration, to " that within which passeth show." The animal to which 

 I allude is of the class mammalia, genus homo, and is called a bore 

 (male and female after their kind) ; unde derivatur I know not, nor 

 have any of the authorities which I have carefully consulted been able 

 to give me any information. By the by, the first of the class men- 

 tioned in history are three who paid a condolatory visit to the man of 

 Uz in his affliction ; but that, as I said before, is " parenthetical and 

 by the by ; " however, to pass that by for the present, there is one 

 thing which I can confidently assert, and defy contradiction ; and 

 that is, that there is not on the face of the globe a more obnoxious 

 animal. It is true that the spring of the tiger is more deadly (espe- 

 cially should he take an honourable member by surprise, not having 

 given notice of his motion), the hug fraternal of the bear less en- 

 durable for the time being. At all events, should chance decree them 

 the victory, a few minutes decide the matter ; they do not " cruel let 

 you linger in your pain ; " and, on the other hand, a couple of balls 

 well bestowed, and you are freed for ever, and " so being gone, you 

 are a man again ; " but, " oh what damned minutes counts he o'er," 

 who has the misery to be encountered by a bore, with a tenacity 

 which " age cannot wither nor custom stale !" he will cling to you 

 " for the hour by Shrewsbury," or any other clock;" he will conjugate 



