( 434 ) 



ON BORES. 



No. 2. 



" Many men 



Are cradled into poetry from wrong 

 They learn in suffering what they teach in song." SHELLEY. 



THAT which the " self- torturing sophist," Rousseau, observed of the 

 Genoese, we may justly apply to the world in general " they will never 

 forgive the benefits which we have conferred upon them." They envy 

 us the fame which we shall acquire the blessings which will be 

 showered on our name the glory which will encircle us like a halo. 

 Why is this, ungrateful world ? " Why do you use me thus ? I have 

 loved thee ever." Have we not disclaimed all right and title to honours 

 emoluments votive offerings, and public rewards all the pride of 

 pomp, of public dinners, commemorative medals, and titular distinctions ? 

 Yes : let us live in obscurity " wrestle with our lot," as best we may; 

 and when we shall " shuffle off this mortal coil," be there raised no sculp- 

 tured cenotaph to perpetuate our memory but let there be chiselled on 

 our tomb this simple epitaph " Hie JACET THE HISTORIAN OF THE 

 BORES." We trust this egotism will be pardoned : these remarks have 

 been wrung from us by the persecution which we have suffered the 

 misery of a whole life has been concentrated within this " little month" 

 those now have bored who never bored before, and those who always 

 bored now bore the more. But we have strung ourselves to the task, 

 " as hardy as the Nemean lion's nerve," and will proceed, " in spite of 

 thunder." Let us, ' ' without more circumstance at all," introduce to 

 the notice of the world 



CHAP. I. MUSICAL BORE. 



" The music breathing from his face." BYRON. 

 " Give me excess of it." SIIAKSPEARE. 



Mr. Apollo Viotti Skeggins for in that euphonious appellation he 

 revels and luxuriates (though there be those who allege that the parish 

 register bears the more humble patronymic of Paul Wyatt) was born 



on but what matter when or where he was born. That he was born, 



is all that concerns this history ; and of that fact we should think there 

 are few so hardy as to dispute. Even from his boyish days nay, from 

 earliest infancy Viotti gave decided indications of that excessive relish 

 for music which has been such a fruitful source of discord to his friends 

 ever since. It is recorded of Mozart, that when he was engaged as 

 organist at some church in Germany, his voluntary at the conclusion of 

 the service had the effect of rivetting and enchaining the congregation to 

 their seats, instead of what is technically called, " playing them out." 



