A DAY OF DISTRESS. 151 



Times ; and was just sitting down to work, or to pretend to work, 

 when I was most pleasantly interrupted by the arrival of some 

 morning friends friends from a distance for whom, after a hearty 

 welcome and some cordial chat, I ordered luncheon, with which 

 order my miseries began. 



" The keys, if you please, ma'am, for the wine and the Rennet 

 ale, " said Anne, my female factotum, who rules, as regent, not 

 only the cook, and the undermaid, and the boy, but the whole 

 family, myself included, and is an actual housekeeper in every re- 

 spect except that of keeping the keys. " The keys, ma'am, if you 

 please," said Anne; and then I found that my keys were not in 

 my right-hand pocket, where they ought to have been, nor in my 

 left-hand pocket, where they might have been, nor in either of my 

 apron-pockets, nor in my work-basket, nor in my reticule in 

 short, that my keys were lost ! 



Now these keys were only two in number, and small enough in 

 dimensions ; but then the one opened that important part of me, my 

 writing-desk ; and the other contained within itself the specific 

 power over every lock in the house, being no other than the key 

 of the key-drawer ; and no chance of picking them for alas ! 

 alas ! the lock were Bramah's ! So, after a few exclamations, such 

 as " What can have become of my keys ? Has any one seen my 

 keys ? Somebody has run away with my keys ! v I recollected that 

 however consolotary to myself such lamentations might be, they 

 would, by no means, tend to quench the thirst of my guests. I 

 applied myself vigorously to remedy the evil all I could by send- 

 ing to my nearest neighbours (for time was pressing, and our horse 

 and his master out for the day) to supply, as well as might be, 

 my deficiency. Accordingly I sent to the public-house for their 

 best beer, which not being Kennet ale, would npt go down ; and 

 to the good-humoured wives of the shoemaker and the baker for 

 their best wine. Fancy to yourselves a decanter of damson wine 

 arriving from one quarter, and a jug of parsnip wine, fresh from 

 the wood, tapped on purpose, from the other ! And this for drink- 

 ers of Burgundy and Champagne. Luckily the water was good, 

 and my visiters were good-natured and comforted me in my afflict- 

 ion, and made a jest of the matter. Really they are a nice family, 

 the St. Johns, especially the two young men, to whom I have, 

 they say, taught the taste of spring-water. 



This trouble passed over lightly enough. But scarcely were 

 they gone before the tax-gatherer came for money locked up in 

 my desk ! What will the collector say ? And the justice's clerk 

 for warrants, left under my care by the chairman of the bench, 

 and also safely lodged in the same safe repository. What will 

 their worships say to this delinquency ? It will be fortunate if 

 they do not issue a warrant against me in my own person ! My 

 very purse was left by accident in that unlucky writing-desk ; and 

 when our kind neighbours, the Wrights, sent a melon, and I was 

 forced to borrow a shilling to give the messenger, I could bear my 



