THE LAST WORD. 



GENTLE reader, we are come to the last chapter. 

 Here, by good rights, the Hero should triumph over all 

 his enemies, the Heroine should pillow her head on his 

 manly bosom and, rolling up her large, lustrous orbs, 

 exclaim: ll Dear John, I loved you from the very first! ' 

 The property should now be theirs after all, and the 

 Wicked .Villain should go out gritting his teeth and clink- 

 ing his handcuffs. However, this is not that kind of a 

 book, as doubtless you have discovered ere now. Still, 

 I hope you have found it quite as interesting as the other 

 kind. It may be that yon have even found it instructive, 

 but I would take it kindly of you not to say anything 

 about that to your friends. Many people have a horror 

 of being instructed, and if it should get out that this book 

 was filled with useful information, it would kill its sa 1 .e 

 deader than a door-nail. Perhaps I ought not to speak 

 of such matters, and I wouldn't to everybody, but I feel 

 so well acquainted with you that I don't mind telling you 

 that we have planned a good deal as to how we should 

 spend all the money that this book will make. There is, 

 of course, the trip to Europe, though, in a pinch, that 

 can go over till next summer, as it has been doing ever 

 since we were married. 'But we really do need a new 

 dining-room set. I might build that house I have been 

 cutting out plans for these many years, and at the very 

 least calculation I think I ought to get a new pair of 



