364 THE POPULAR SCIENCE MONTHLY 



in hand. Doomed as she otherwise rightly thought herself to be, one can 

 not very consistently blame her for avidly grasping at the promised 

 salvation, given with such assurance, even if from no matter how really 

 unknowing a source. Submitting both honestly and unreservedly to the 

 efforts of the " prayer circle," she seemed to " get better from the first," 

 and, some two months later, it was noted that she could actually carry 

 herself with somewhat better step, with a brighter face, and most of all, 

 with the absolutely unembarrassed confidence that " before long she would 

 be entirely well " ; for " God can do anything, as you see." One could 

 not be entirely dishonest in feeling much of the gladness with which she 

 was congratulated upon her improvement, or in expressing the hope that 

 this would continue indefinitely ; yet, within, one could not help antici- 

 pating none the less clearly the fateful day of abject sadness and despair 

 which would surely come to her, when she had all too pathetically found 

 herself disillusioned and her physical disease quite perceptibly advanced, 

 as well. One could indeed feel glad that she had had this much respite 

 from her mental distress; but when one thought upon what ignorance 

 of the facts, upon what fanciful assurances, upon what perversion of 

 the highest offices of even present-day possibilities, her temporary 

 release from suffering had been founded, one at least wondered if the 

 temporary " gain " would in the long run be worth the irretrievable loss 

 of confidence, true faith, and reasonable hope that was sure to ensue. 

 Better, it seemed, that she should have patiently continued from the first 

 without deviation in the persistent course of mind and soul cultivation 

 and strengthening which had been marked out, or better still which 

 might have been marked out, had some one more capable been her 

 adviser, than to have experienced a but specious exaltation for a season, 

 only to fall into the direst slough of despond, suspicion, digust and 

 what-not, as she in due season must and did. From this awful jolt in 

 her mental life she had better have been saved, so it seems even yet. 

 Although what a thought significantly follows; if only she could have 

 been given the comfort without such a train of miserable consequence ! 

 After spending several weeks or months with this sort of people, 

 and, more consequentially, after having given them all her little savings 

 as well, and then found them mostly " uninterested " afterwards, she 

 returned to her home where for more than seven years she divided the 

 slow days and tortured nights between all the horrors of the deceived, 

 the disillusioned, the despairing, on the one hand, and the bravest en- 

 deavors imaginable to endure patiently everything, and likewise not to 

 become too rebellious against God and humanity, on the other. And 

 during this period what a transformation physically, was hers. Slowly, 

 step by step, ordinary communication with every one came to be cut off; 

 while all their sayings, doings, feelings and entire lives yet remained as 

 patent to her as before. Then eventually came the hour when not a 



