CORRESP ONDENCE. 



123 



CORRESPONDENCE. 



ON THE FEAE OF DEATH. 



To the Editors of the Popular Science Monthly. 



AN interesting article entitled " The 

 Fear of Death " appeared in " The 

 Popular Science Monthly Supplement " for 

 December. The author in one place says : 

 "At any rate the feelings with which we 

 contemplate the termination of our own 

 earthly life must vary indefinitely in different 

 individuals, and in the same individual at 

 different times ; and it would be a matter of 

 deep interest to compare our respective ex- 

 perience if we could bring ourselves to do 

 so." Having been myself quite recently 

 very near to the entrance of the " valley," 

 and having been for a long time in the daily 

 habit of mentally viewing the question of 

 the extinction of life, it has occurred to me 

 that, where the subject is one in which we 

 all have an interest more or less, even my 

 small experience may be in some degree use- 

 ful and suggestive. 



When quite young, too young in fact to 

 have any definite idea of what death means, 

 I had an extreme dread of the very thought. 

 At the age of six years I stood for the first 

 time in the presence of death, having been 

 brought into the room to see the body of a 

 deceased lady who had been very kind to 

 me. I was awe-stricken. I could not im- 

 agine what had occurred. I was told in a 

 subdued voice that she was dead. I did not 

 understand it ; I only saw that some terrible 

 and to me inexplicable change had taken 

 place in my friend, and for a long time after- 

 ward the mention of death filled me with 

 childish horror. The thought that I too 

 should one day be like that was unbearable. 



In early manhood I had a reluctance to 

 think on the subject of death at all, and 

 whenever the repulsive idea presented itself 

 I dismissed it as quickly as possible. 



On one occasion, when about twenty-one 

 years old, I accompanied, merely as a spec- 

 tator, a military expedition against the Tap- 

 ping rebels in China. During the space of 

 an hour or so I found myself under fire, and, 

 being a novice in the business of war, I felt 

 decidedly uncomfortable. If freedom from 

 apprehension of personal danger constitutes 

 bravery upon such occasions, then I was not 

 by any means brave. But during the whole 

 time I was not conscious of any anxiety as 

 to death or what may follow it ; my chief 

 thought was : " If I am hit, what will be the 

 sensation ? will it be very painful ? " The 

 paramount solicitude was for my body, and 

 if my general anxiety included any other 

 elements than the fear of pain, certainly that 



was the predominating one. Being only a 

 looker-on, and having no active duties to 

 occupy my mind, I remember distinctly my 

 feelings upon that occasion. 



Again, later on in life, I was caught in a 

 heavy blow one night on our Southern coast. 

 The vessel, a small schooner, was in ballast, 

 and we were drifting rapidly to leeward to- 

 ward the shoals which line the part of the 

 coast where we were ; we missed them by 

 the merest chance. 



All through that night the thought of 

 death was present in my mind, my anxiety 

 increasing with every cast of the lead, which 

 showed the constantly lessening depth of 

 water. Yet here, again, the fear of the man- 

 ner of death was stronger than the fear of 

 death itself. Of course, there were feelings 

 of sadness connected with the thought of 

 being cut suddenly off from relatives and 

 friends, but still the chief apprehension was 

 concerning the hopeless and seemingly in- 

 evitable struggle in the breakers before 

 death should supervene. 



As I approached middle age, the subject 

 of death and what may possibly succeed it 

 began to form more and more a part of my 

 studies and to occupy more constantly my 

 thoughts. The difficulties in the way of an 

 unquestioning belief in a future state of ex- 

 istence beyond the grave increased the more 

 the subject was studied, but the fear of death 

 was if anything lessened. I was told that 

 sickness and the approach of death would 

 alter my views in that respect, and at last I 

 began myself to have a curiosity to learn 

 whether such a result would really follow 

 upon the loss of health. 



Not long ago I had a very severe illness, 

 from which I have not yet quite recovered, 

 and perhaps never shall. For a time my 

 chances of life were very small, and I real- 

 ized my condition perfectly ; yet, the nearer 

 Death approached, the less grim and repul- 

 sive he appeared. The principal feeling 

 was one of resignation, or perhaps some 

 would prefer to call it apathy. There was, 

 however, always present with the idea of 

 death a certain curiosity as to how the 

 change would be effected, and what it would 

 be followed by whether by annihilation of 

 all sensation, or by an extension of conscious- 

 ness of identity with a higher development 

 of faculties and perceptions. While the lat- 

 ter conception was the more pleasing, truth 

 compels me to say that the former appeared 

 to be the more probable. 



The difficulty of making a mental pre- 

 sentment of a state of conscious identity 



