HARDWICKE'S SCIENCE-GOSSiP. 



199 



look like business. I had brought him, meanwhile, 

 some fresh poplar leaves, feeling sure he must be 

 hungry after his long fast ; so, seeing him now- 

 awake, I placed them near him that he might make 

 a beginning. But he took no notice. " He doesn't 

 see them," thought I, and I placed them nearer. 

 Still not the smallest notice did he take of them, but 

 began pawing and fondling the remains of his former 

 self in a somewhat sickeningly sentimental way. I 

 then reflected that animals of that breed might very 

 possibly be short-sighted, so I took a leaf, and in a 

 " poor-beastie-can't-'em-find-it" spirit, held it to his 

 nose that he might have the advantage of its smell ; 

 but as he still seemed indifferent, I gently bobbed it 

 once or twice against his aforesaid scent-organ 

 encouragingly. But now he went into a tantrum, 

 drew himself upright as at first, flirted his tails up 

 ever his back, and shot out of the end of each a little 

 pink whip-lash with which he threatened me. So I 

 determined to leave him alone, and let him have his 

 own way. 



"What is he doing?" said I to myself presently. 

 He had unbent again, and having once more pawed 

 over the remains of his dear self till he came to the 

 black and white tail cases (which were standing 

 erect at the extremity of the skin) he suddenly pulled 

 up short. That, however, was not what caused my 

 inward exclamation. Of course he stopped. So did 

 the Roman army when they reached the Furculas 

 Caudinse. He, however, was not baulked for long, 

 but presently found a way out of his difficulty. 

 What was his way? Why he simply began at the 

 apex, and munched away both prongs of the fork, 

 one after the other, down to the very base. So if 

 my reader should ever find himself, like my friend, 

 brought up short, and presented with the two horns 

 of a dilemma, he will know what to do. Let him 

 follow my friend's example, and he will soon find the 

 difficulty disappear. 



And now, having broken the ice, my friend set to 

 work with a will. But it was a large order. The 

 collier who had undertaken to eat the whole of a 

 bull-calf at one sitting had not a more formidable 

 (and I might add disgusting) undertaking before him 

 than he. But having (if I may so express myself) 

 taken his bull by the horns, he went on cheerfully 

 and steadily till the work was accomplished. Oh, 

 yes, he finished the whole without really flinching 

 once ! I certainly did think he showed signs of 

 faltering once or twice, but I suppose now it was 

 only my fancy. The skin was certainly dry in places 

 — that is, to my way of thinking ; but then I should 

 call an Irish ulster wanting in juice, and it is quite 

 possible my friend would not. 



But what struck me very much was the fact, that 

 here and here the old skin seemed to break out into 

 moisture in the most surprising way. It seemed as 

 if, just where it grew dryest and toughest, it con- 

 tained small hidden reservoirs of gravy, which only 



required tapping to set matters right and juicy again. 

 Whether this were so or not, I am now doubtful, for 

 before the meal was finished, I grew a little suspicious 

 about it, and could not feel quite sure that my friend 

 did not (in a very stealthy and underhand way) help 

 himself to a little Worcester sauce — or some other 

 condiment — that he carried concealed about his 

 person. I was sorry to entertain this suspicion of 

 him, because, to say the least, it does not look well 

 for a person to be helping himself from a secret 

 supply of liquor, frequently and furtively, in this 

 way ; and when the hidden supply is brought to 

 light, it rarely proves, I believe, to be in reality 

 either Worcester sauce or salad oil. 



But quite apart from this, and without at all 

 allowing my opinion of my friend to sink so low as 

 it must have done in such a case, we all know how 

 natural and certain it is for one suspicion to lead to 

 another ; and so I could not help arguing with 

 myself about it as follows: — "Granted that the 

 condiment is Worcester sauce, what then ? Why be 

 so stealthy about the use of it? Surely he has as 

 much right to the use of a ' relish ' — and with such 

 a meal — as anybody can have. It does look sus- 

 picious. I wonder if the performance from beginning 

 to end can be a mere piece of bravado? Does it 

 not look like it ? He saw me watching him before 

 he began, I know. Can it be that this disgusting 

 performance suddenly occurred to him as a means of 

 winning for himself a name ? Some people would 

 quite as soon be notorious as renowned. May not he 

 be of the number? If so, then I can quite under- 

 stand this unworthy concealment of the sauce ; it all 

 fits in with his low aims, sordid-mindedness, and 

 vulgar bravado." 



When I had got thus far, however, I remembered 

 that I had not ascertained for certain that my friend 

 did supply the sauce from about his own person, and 

 I felt that an apology was due to him for my unkind 

 reasoning upon such insufficient grounds. 



But by this time he had not only finished his meal, 

 and a somewhat obtrusively cleaned his platter, but 

 had actually resumed, with an expression of great 

 complacency, his first position, and his pretended 

 devotions ; so I did not interrupt him. 



OUR SCIENTIFIC DIRECTORY. 



Practical Naturalists' Society (London Branch), 

 St. John's School Mission House, 5, Church Street, 

 Waterloo Road, London, S.E. President, Mr. A. W. 

 Nott. Vice-President, Mr. A. Ramsay, F.G.S. 

 Secretary and Treasurer, Mr. G. K. Gude. All 

 communications respecting the Branch should be 

 sent to the Secretary, 5, Giesbach Road, Upper 

 Holloway, N. 



