424 {fr TO RICHMOND. 



" Oil, nothing in life can sadden us, 



Whilst we have wine and good-humour in store " 



" Holloa, there, you sirs ! who gave you leave to land here, I should 

 very much like to know ?" roared out a fellow six feet high, and brawny 

 as Hercules, as he jumped over the hedge, and alighted with one foot in 

 the pie-dish, and the other in Jones's new white beaver. " Nobody," 

 said Jones, hurt at having his hat injured. " Well, then, I warn you 

 off these grounds," continued the out-of-town barbarian, and laid hold 

 of Jones by the collar. " Stop, stop, my good friend," said I, " no vio- 

 lence, if you please : we are gentlemen, and if " " I don't care 

 whether you're gentle or simple you've none of you no business here- 

 so bundle, bag and baggage." At this we were all indignant; and as 

 for Jones, I never saw him so up-ish: he was for throwing the ruffian 

 into the creek on the other side the hedge. " Do, Jones it will serve 

 him right, if he'll let you," said Smith, laughing contemptuously at his 

 presumption. Jones, for a slight person of five feet, is a very well- 

 meaning young man; but this fellow, as it happened, would be a little 

 too much for two Joneses. In many respects Mr. Jones is very conceited 

 of his powers ; but, on the other hand, his attentions to his grandmother, 

 who will leave him all when she dies, is excellent and exemplary. I 

 pacified the blue-aproned Cerberus, by handing him a bumper of sherry, 

 with half a sovereign at the bottom : he swallowed the one, caught the 

 other between his teeth, and immediately became as gentle as ' Una's 

 milk-white lamb.' " Well, gentlemen, all I meant to say was this here 

 don't pick the flowers, nor damage the shrubs, and you may stay as long 

 as you please, because master is out ; and so, good morning." This he 

 said very civilly, and touched his hat as he turned off. 



No sooner was he gone, than Jones began to vapour about, and upbraid 

 me, because I had made peace: " He would have taught the cabbage- 

 cutting rascal what it was to insult gentlemen and young liverymen : 

 we should have seen what he would have done to him, &c. &c." " Yes," 

 said Smith, sarcastically, (t with the aid of a good microscope." Jones 

 looked unutterable things, but said not a word. To divert attention 

 from these unpleasantnesses, I proposed a ramble round the grounds : 

 agreed to nem. con.; and off we set. Jones soon recovered his temper ; 

 and, to exhibit his prowess to the ladies, wagered Smith a bottle that he 

 would hang by his heels from the lower limb of a tree for five minutes. 

 The bet was taken up jumped Jones at the branch, caught it, threw up 

 his heels, locked his feet across, let go his hands, and there he dangled, 

 head downwards, as pretty a calf as you'd see in Leadenhall on a market- 

 day, as Smith sarcastically said. One, two, three, four, five minutes 

 elapsed, and he was declared winner. " Help me down," cried Jones. 

 Nobody stirred, but all laughed. " Now, do help me down!" he be- 

 seeched rather pathetically. Not a foot moved. He then tried to help 

 himself, but could not recover the branch with his hands. Then he 

 began to swear, and the ladies very properly ran away. We enjoyed his 

 quandary amazingly; but no one felt inclined to end it yet. At last, 

 seeing him turn black in the face, with rage and his inverted position, I 

 and Smith took pity on him, and placed him right end upwards, when 

 he turned so giddy, that down he dropped. I thought Smith would 

 have died with laughing ; but Jones triumphed still, for he had won. 

 It was ridiculous to see his exultation, and hear his crowing. 



A rookery was overhead. Jones, bent on mischief, must now have 



