CARROTS AND THEIR CONSEGIUENCES. 603 



compelled to undergo the mystic ceremony of having my light obscured 

 by " the extinguisher/' as a peculiar mode of coronation was facetiously 

 termed. In short,, I enjoyed no peace, by night or day, my rest was invaded, 

 the hours allotted to recreation were disturbed, and those of study were made 

 the vehicle of covert, insult, and inuendo. No allusion was suffered to 

 pass unapplied, and no opportunity neglected of discovering new terms 

 of reproach as they were gleaned from the pages of our daily reading. 

 The life of a schoolboy is, generally speaking, a life of hardship, at 

 least, if there is any exception I was not destined to experience it, and 

 during a probation of four or five years, I underwent all that the malice 

 of my companions could inflict. At length the wheel began to turn, and 

 as I gradually grew in years and strength, found that forbearance was 

 practised towards me ; more, however, from fear than affection. It is 

 not to be wondered at, if I in my turn now exercised a species of 

 tyranny when I had learnt what it was to suffer. The evil traits of my 

 disposition, for such they were pleased to term them, became daily more 

 manifest, and when I left school, whence I was expelled for an act 

 of violence towards the master, whose taunts I had long treasured up till 

 a day of vengeance should arrive. I left it with the reputation of 

 being a violent, passionate, and revengeful creature, whom no kindness 

 could reclaim, nor any correction improve. 



My parents who saw me thus returned upon their hands, held a 

 council of war as to my ultimate destination, and considering my ap- 

 pearance and my irascible nature, they directed that none of the grave 

 professions were suitable for me, and that my only chance of success 

 lay in following the career of arms. Accordingly I was sent to the 

 military college at Sandhurst, there to improve those pugnacious pro- 

 pensities already developed in me, and duly qualify myself to l< seek the 

 bubble reputation even in the cannon's mouth v " It was a miracle that 

 I passed safely through the three years probation allotted me ; once I 

 was rusticated, and once nearly expelled for conduct, the origin of which 

 I can trace to that which was " the head and front of my offending." I 

 can compare my sensations to nothing so much as the idea we have of a 

 shell, the fuse of which is burning ;- we feel that it must explode, and 

 painfully anticipate the result. Thus I always bore in my recollection 

 the consciousness of the mine which was ever ready to be sprung. 

 However, it was decreed that the camp, the genuine abode of all Kuz- 

 zilbaskes, was at length to become mine, and the period of my boyhood 



past, I gladly assumed the uniform of the regiment, to me the real 



toga virilis. I hoped now to escape from the ills which had hitherto 

 beset my path, and relied upon the dignity of my new calling to prevent 

 the possibility of annoyance. My figure was tall and well-enough pro- 

 portioned ; with others height would have been an advantage, with me 

 it was the reverse, for it suggested the comparison of a light-house ; 

 my features were marked and complexion somewhat high, but alto- 

 gether from my general appearance, I might have been pronounced 

 either goodlooking than otherwise, had not, as a wit observed, the 

 capital of the Corinthian column been formed rather of the carrot than 

 the acanthus. It was not the " crin Julve" described by Ugo Foscolo, 

 or any thing which could admit the shadow of a doubt. It was RED, 

 undisguised and unqualified ; that which a herald would term gules and 

 a painter flame ; my whiskers too were of the same ardent hue, and pro- 



