28 " You're Fined !" [JULY, 



other brotherhood/ We now proceeded forward in high spirits, privately 

 complimenting ourselves on the acquisition of a wonderfully good appetite 

 for food. I was very cheerful, and told them Henry Dundas's story of the 

 tailor resting himself; till, at length, we made Kew-bridge, and beckoned 

 a boat. When the waterman appeared, I told Mathews's definition of a 



waterman, to make a laugh " 



[Here the Cayenne occasioned such acute titillations in ray friend's 

 throat, as to threaten both his story and ftfe together. However, like the 

 canon in Gil Bias, he was sure to recover ; and I asked him to tell me the 

 story of Mathews's waterman ; and then he went on again, as you shall 

 hear.] 



" What ! not know the definition of waterman r ' What's the 



reason they call you a waterman, Jack?' said Mathews. ' Vy, Sir, I 

 suppose it's 'cause I opens the coach doors.' Well, we got into the boat, 

 and away we rowed. The man at the oars had sustained a severe mishap 

 a few days before, which did him at least one good : it served him for talk to 

 his customers as long as he pleased afterwards. It was not long before we 

 were made acquainted with it. ' As I was a-pulling up just as it might 

 be now, gentlemen the tide was very strong down-stream there comes a 

 boat, right a-head, full of young chaps ; and, if you'll believe me, gentle- 

 men, it rann'd right down upon us, and staved in the head of my boat 

 here. Well, I could get no redress; and so away I goes to my lawyer, 

 and he advised me not to go to law about it for there'd be no knowing- 

 how the matter would turn out ; and so I had it mended but I can't think as 

 all that can be right.' The lawyer had forgotten the grassy banks and sunny 

 stream, in the complaint which this young Thames imp was pouring forth ; 

 and it was evident that some mighty effort of language was about to break 

 forth. ' My good boy,' said my legal friend, ' there is no injury, according 

 to the law of this country, ' which is not capable, of a remedy. You might 

 have recovered damages for this hurt to your vessel.' The doctor could 

 hardly contain himself; but, like giving an unruly fish the line, he resolved 

 to humour the joke. ' Hem !' said he very gravely, ' are you sure that an 

 action could be had for this damage ? It seems to me to be quite an acci- 

 dent ; and, at all events, the boys only were to blame.' ' According to the 

 peculiar character of the mischief or trespass, case will lie,' said the lawyer, 

 in reply. ' It would cost some time to point out to you and this good 

 youth here the distinction between consequential and direct injury be- 

 tween cases where the damage proceeds immediately from the instrument 



which occasions it ' I had heard the early part of the history, but 



had fallen into a reverie, thinking wholly of Stevens's ' Bull'em and 

 Boat'em' where, you remember, the bull loosed a vessel from its moor- 

 ings, by which it was swamped ; and an action was brought against the 

 owner of the bull. But the learned rhetoric of my neighbour perfectly 

 aroused me ; and, while I could scarcely help a violent outbreak of laugh- 

 ter at the doctor's arch visage, I thought we had been quite sufficiently 

 entertained with L A W, Law. 'So the damages,' said I, .' are just a 

 crown, which you, for talking law, must lay down.' I told you that the 

 doctor paid his bet cheerfully. Now I never saw a man do it with less 

 good humour than the unfortunate person whom we had just fined. He ' 

 was truly piqued and vexed. 



" We had now attained Richmond, discharged the waterman, mounted 

 the steps which lead into the uncleanly town, debouched to the right 

 (where old Father Thames voyages it so beautifully, to the delight of the 



