392 The. Traveller^ Oracle. [OcT. 



allowing such accommodation. The Collectors of Check Braces, and Footmen's 

 Holders, assume all kind of Characters, and are so expert, that they will take 

 these articles oft' in half the time that your Coachman can put them on ; and will 

 rob you of what you cannot replace for a Pound, though they cannot sell them 

 for a Shilling. 



' Therefore, Spikes are indispensable when you have not a Footman ; other- 

 wise, you will be perpetually loaded with idle people, i. e. unless you think that 

 two or three outside passengers are ornamental or convenient, or you like to 

 have your Carriage continually surrounded by Crowds of Children, incessantly 

 screaming, Cut ! Cut behind !' " 



An excellent mode to abate this nuisance, when you go to a race, a fight, 

 or other place of public diversion, is to have your hind standards fresh 

 painted about ten minutes before you set out. If it be a backney coach, 

 use coal-tar. 



To intruders, however, upon his peace, of whatever character, the doctnr 

 shews no mercy; arid, in particular, chastises that most indefensible cus- 

 tom of carpenters, masons, and others getting up to work at six o'clock in 

 the morning. One of the most beneficial acts of the legislature, he affirms, 

 would be to abolish by law, that 



" Vulgar and Barbarous Custom which prevails among common Workmen, 

 when they first come to work in the Morning, to make as much Noise as they 

 possibly can; thus, if you live near any Manufactory, &c., or if a house is building 

 or repairing near you from Six in the Morning till half-past, they will raise such 

 a horrible din of Hammering, &c., that all within Ear shot of them are presently 

 awoke ; and indeed they seem to do it for that sole purpose ; for the following 

 hours they are often quiet enough." 



It appears, too, that there is a double villainy premeditated in this prac- 

 tice : 



** Those who are so outrageously active so early in the day are technically 

 termed Powters, i. e. such extraordinary industry being very often a mere 

 manoeuvre to deceive their Neighbours, which they artfully affect to gain Credit, 

 and which, like setting up a shewy Shop Front, is one of the usual tokens of ap- 

 proaching Bankruptcy." 



The animals who are given to early rising come, as well as their masters, 

 within the scope of our author's malediction : 



" Fowls, Parrots, Dogs, or any other of those Beasts or Birds, which (because 

 they make most Noise) are vulgarly called Dumb Animals, bleating, barking, bel- 

 lowing, in the Front Area or back Garden of a House, &c., are an offence against 

 the Public Peace are an Indictable Nuisance ; and on the complaint of a Neigh- 

 bouring Housekeeper, are as cognizable by Constables, Street Keepers, Watch- 

 men, &c. surely as justly as the Owners of such Animals would be, were they to 

 hoot and bellow there, for which they would, in the first instance, be taken to a 

 Watchhouse, and in the second Indicted and fined or sent to the Tread Mill. 



" QY. What difference does it make whether the Peace is broken, and Sleep 

 destroyed, by an " Animal plumis, vel implumis et bpes" i. e. whether it wears 

 ready-made Clothes, or employs a Tailor ? Surely it will not be allowed in this 

 Age of Refinement, that the former is entitled to more consideration than the 

 latter. 



" They manage these things better in France. All Dogs, Fowls, &c. found in 

 the Streets of Paris, are finished forthwith by the Gens d'Armes" 



The above were to have been part of the provisions of a " Sleep Act," of which 

 Dr. Kitchiner's premature death has unfortunately deprived us. The prin- 

 ciple, however, upon which it was to have proceeded is preserved in the 

 present book to wit, " That nothing of any value was ever done after 

 eleven o'clock at night !" 



