32 Oyster-Day in London. [JAN. 



very spot which I occupied and then I plainly distinguished the voice 

 of the doctor. Never did the practice of eating oysters appear to me in 

 so barbarous a light. Already, in imagination, I felt the murderous 

 knife entering my side ; and my very blood ran warm with the idea of the 

 sympathetic doctor taking me home, and thrusting my head between the 

 bars of his grate, or sousing me in scalding butter, having first taken off 

 my beard. f f 



I was not long allowed to indulge in these fantasies for the dreadful 

 reality approached me. I was soon espied by the keen eye of the oyster- 

 roaster ; and I suddenly felt myself jerked from the bed. An ejacula- 

 tion of delight escaped him as he called for the knife. Terror superseded 

 every other faculty as I found his murderous jaws already open to 

 receive me. Speech and movement were alike denied me, and with a 

 gasping sensation of horror, I heard the knife grate against the edge of 

 my shell. In another instant I should feel it in my throat ; and, in that 

 moment of mental agony, I groaned aloud. The doctor instantly let me 

 fall. Encased in my armour of proof, I sustained no damage ; and 

 immediately there arose a sudden exclamation of surprise from all around. 

 A disputation was held as to the best means of opening me without 

 injury from the knife ; and I was handed about for their inspection. I 

 breathed again. The amiable doctor suggested, with his usual benevo- 

 lence, that I should be placed alive in an iron stew-pan, and held over a 

 fierce charcoal fire, which he affirmed would certainly make me open 

 my shell. I thought of the bull of Phalaris ; and cordially wished this 

 advocate for humanity might be obliged to prove his infernal scheme in 

 his own person. Another worthy man proposed the quicker method of 

 suffocating me in steams of sulphur ; and, in shortj each in his turn 

 seemed to exert his most deadly ingenuity for my preservation. At 

 length, I heard a loud, confident voice, expressing a certainty of accom- 

 plishing the object by a peculiar mode, known only to himself. It 

 sounded to me much after the manner of a " quack/' when he is allowed 

 his kill-or-cure practice, after the retirement of the " regular men." I 

 soon began to feel the effects of this gentleman's secret system. A burn- 

 ing sensation shot through my frame a strange noise sounded in my 

 ears. It seemed as though a certain powerful friction was in process on 

 my outer shell. An inconceivable alarm took possession of me. I fancied 

 some hellish contrivance to murder me. Insensibly, my shell grew thin- 

 ner and thinner. The process seemed to be carried on with a vigour 

 truly marvellous, and a new danger began to threaten me. It seemed 

 that, as the grinding was proceeding with more pertinacity than judg- 

 ment, I stood a chance of being crushed in my shell. It now became as 

 thin as a wafer ; my heart was in my mouth ; I felt like one who was 

 only escaping from a burning house to be smothered by its falling walls. 

 Objects became now almost visible ; when, seizing a momentary cessation 

 in the process, with an incredible effort I burst my shell and my spell 

 together, and found myself seated in the identical box at the oyster-shop, 

 with my arms extended, like an escaped maniac. Beside me was the 

 doctor, discoursing with some persons around on the singularity of an 

 oyster he had just met with ; and ( hinc illce lachrymce) who should be 

 seated opposite gazing at me with a look, as I thought, expressive of a 

 wish to try an experiment on me but Mr. St. John Long himself! 



