4 Tom Moore's Prophetic Almanack for the Year 1832. JAN. 



JANUARY. 



Hail, January, hail ! Hail, rain, and snow 



As snow, rain, hail thou shalt on all below. 



With thee comes Twelfth-night back. How changed the scene ! 



For none, save artists, now " draw King and Queen." 



The nation is no more a huge twelfth-cake, 



For peers to slice, and panders to partake. 



" 'Tis ours," the people shout, " divide it fair !" 



Alas ! fond fools, there's nothing left to share. 



1st. New year begins expected to last till the 31st of December, 

 twelve P.M., unless previously put an end to by the cholera or a comet. 

 Clause introduced into Mr. O'Connell's " Annual Parliament Bill," 

 directing that the year shall terminate once a quarter, or " oftener if 

 need be." Another clause, proposing to have septennial parliaments 

 once a twelvemonth. Subject referred to an Irish Committee. 



9th. Plough Monday. Hyde Park planted with potatoes, which the 

 poor are permitted to dig up gratis. Kensington Gardens, and the 

 squares at the west end, presented, by unanimous votes of both houses, 

 to William Cobbett and his heirs for ever, for the growth and cultivation 

 of Indian corn. 



30th. King Charles's Martyrdom. All the crowned heads in Europe, 

 some of which had long been as loose as their morals, swept off by a 

 magic touch of the great harlequin Intellect.* Their majesties, however, 

 look quite as dignified without them, and are found to govern just as 

 wisely the heads having been principally used to hang their crowns 



upon. 



FEBRUARY. 



Now February comes with strife and storm, 

 And still it feeds the fever of reform. 

 To the new bill some nobles yet demur, 

 And then some shocking things of course occur. 

 Lord L. about this time will meet the loss 

 Of his coat-skirt in passing Charing Cross ; 

 And the lierce mob, impetuous as a mouse, 

 Will break three panes of glass in Apsley House. 



1st. Sun rises so does the tide and the Monthly Magazine. 



3d. Sundry atrocious and horrible outrages committed by the Re- 

 formers : a gouty gentleman, opposed to the bill, will have his toes 

 barbarously trodden on by the mob ; several hats will be demolished ; 

 two buttons torn violently from the coat of a policeman ; and a little 

 boy, just breeched, will fall into fits and the kennel at the same time. 



14th. Meeting of the two-penny postmen of the metropolis to petition 

 Parliament for the abolition of St. Valentine's Day. 



15th. Sir Walter Scott publishes another "last novel," and promises a 

 " positively last one" for every month in the year. 



24tk. Mr. Non- Alderman Scales claims the peerage, by reason of his 

 descent from the warrior immortalized by Shakspeare 



" Lord Scales, lead on your forces towards Smithfield." 



Claim admitted ; nine aldermen expire of envy and apoplexy ; the rest 

 become idiots; no observable change, however, takes place in their 

 magisterial habits. 



27^A. Unprecedented attraction at Covent Garden. Classical exhi- 

 bition between the pieces of the identical hackney-coach, No. 310, hired 

 by the Burkers Ghost of the Italian Boy to be played by Mr. Keeley 

 the music, of course, by Bishop. 



