90 The Procrastinator. [JAN. 



only it 'ill take ye a month o' Sundays to hinder the clothes from fall- 

 ing off, if ye walk ever so easy ; and you, Katty, though y'er a clean 

 skinned girl, ye might as well be a negre, for any thing I could tell, by 

 this blessed light, to the differ. Tim Tim there's no use in life in 

 my setting myself as a pathron to ye ye'r a sinner, Tim I'd say 

 nothing to ye'r taking a mornin , or two or three dacently stiff tumblers 

 after dinner, or may be a sup to keep the could out o' ye'r stomach of 

 a winter's night, but to be always drink drink drinking, like a frog 

 or a fish ! Tim, I'm ashamed of ye, I am, indeed. The Lord look 

 down upon ye, ye poor sinner. Go to bed." 



Tim did not seem at all inclined to obey the old man's directions ; 

 but he stumbled as far as the door, and holding by it, maintained a 

 tolerably erect position ; while " Mister Morty," as he was called, 

 scolded, directed, and re-directed the ill assorted servants, who had 

 been deemed sufficient to keep the dwelling of Castle Mount Doyne 

 from damp and decay. At last they ran off in different directions to 

 make some they hardly knew what preparation; but the house- 

 keeper paused in the middle of the hall, turned to the all-important 

 steward, and inquired " What time was it the masther fixed did you 

 say, Mister Morty ?" 



11 His honour says that he'll be surely here by Thursday, that's the 

 Thursday that's past." 



" Dear me ! then he'll hardly come to-night. Bless his sweet face ! 

 When he was a boy, we always gave him a week's law ; and it 'tis'n't 

 the fashion of the family to mend as they grow older/' 



" Something strikes me they'll be here to-night, any way," replied 

 the old man ; " and I must insist on all being ready/' 



" Very well," rejoined the housekeeper, "you need not be so high 

 about it, Mister Morty, I've lived a'most as long as ye'rself in the family, 

 counting my mother into the time, which is all one ; and though it is 

 not natural to like a young misthress over the head, yet I'm sure my 

 heart bates double joy at the thought o' seeing the baby I've so often 

 nursed on my knee, a married man." She then departed, and, although 

 persisting in her belief that her master would not arrive that night, 

 because it was too near the time he had appointed, thought there could 

 be no harm in (t making herself dacent ;" and having quickly accom- 

 plished her toilet, she dispatched Bat to the nearest cottage to say, 

 that "masther was coming home that night with a new illigant wife, 

 and that they must all come to help her to get ready ;" then Bat had to 

 post on to " Corney Phelan's, general dealer," for candles and salt, a 

 quire of brown paper, some nails, and whatever " bits o' boords" he 

 could spare, to make glass of, to mend the broken "windys, 'cause the 

 lady was tender maybe, and might catch could ;" besides, he was com- 

 missioned to bring twine, and butter, and pepper, and a score of things, 

 the most necessary portion of which he, of course, forgot, and, in his 

 zeal, rendered the other half ineffective, particularly by suffering the 

 untied paper-bag of salt to fall into a stream, and mixing the rusty nails 

 with the flour. 



All was confusion at the castle ; Tim had contrived to get on an anti- 

 quated tarnished livery ; and Morty, who, to do him justice, was the 

 pattern of neatness Irish neatness, at all events was arrayed as befitted 

 what he considered his elevated rank in the establishment. Some poultry 

 were sacrificed, " to make spatch cocks in a minute ;" and if a great deal 



