1832.] The Shortest Road to Distinction. 2G3 



announcing a certain number of volumes as forthcoming. I do not 

 mean to say that this is a perfectly new plan, as several of our most 

 illustrious authors have occasionally adopted it, by promising from time 

 to time some profound essay, or brilliant biography, that never has, and 

 most probably never will see the light. But of its efficacy there cannot 

 be a doubt. Were I, the perpetrator of these humble paragraphs, an 

 " author," I should immediately announce as among the " works in 

 preparation," a translation of the " Chinese Mirror of Parliament" an 

 account of some " Egyptian Hieroglyphics, as they appear on a brick 

 thrown up by the last eruption of Vesuvius" or " Papers discovered 

 in a Lion's Den, supposed to be the Auto-biography of Daniel" or 

 some other equally original and out-of-the-way order of production; 

 and I feel confident that my reputation would at once be fixed on a 

 basis, too solid to be shaken by any non-performance of such splendid 

 undertakings. Next month, and indeed every succeeding month for a 

 quarter of a century, should see a similar, or rather a still more startling 

 list of meditated productions, in every branch of literature, and every 

 walk of science ; and thus, long before the expiration of the period I 

 have stated, my fame should eclipse the united reputations of all the 

 Gogs of genius, and the Magogs of talent, that have hitherto injured 

 their characters by absurdly attempting to accomplish what they ought 

 simply to have announced. The wisdom of this plan must at once be 

 apparent ; every day's observation confirms it. Insinuate at first, and 

 then openly declare, that you are employed night and day upon some 

 prodigious, and hitherto unattempted, project in literature, and your 

 name will be at once associated with that of the most daring and un- 

 daunted genius the world will give you full credit for ability to com- 

 plete what you have conceived and fame and admiration will follow 

 your footsteps into every club and coterie in the kingdom. But once 

 admit the public behind the curtain, shew them that you are utterly 

 unqualified for the task you have undertaken, and be foolish enough to 

 publish books v/ith your titles, and your renown is at an end. Critics 

 will lose sight of the magnificence of your conception in the meanness 

 of your execution, and you will reduce yourself to the vulgar level of 

 literary humanity. Do not imagine that any living being will ever ask 

 whether you have really performed one single promise of the thousand 

 on which your reputation is built ; no, the world will be contented with 

 the titles, and will soon forget that they are voces et prceterce nihiL The 

 scarcity of your works will seem the consequence of an unprecedented 

 sale, and an unlimited popularity. This mystery will also serve you 

 with posterity, who will be struck with the incredible range which your 

 genius has taken, and will be naturally curious about obtaining your 

 works, when they find that there is not a copy to be had. You will be 

 the only Great Unknown of all future ages the Sphynx of science, and 

 the Gordian-knot of genius. 



Reader, if you wish for literary renown, let your productions be 

 always announced under the head of " works in preparation," and never 

 under " works published." Project volumes, but do not risk your 

 reputation by attempting to write them ; you must (if you read modern 

 works) perceive how materially it tends to shew an author's insufficiency. 

 Never trouble yourself with endeavours to bring about the Millenium 

 content yourself with predicting it, and with constantly crying out 

 that " it comes." 



B. 



