1832.] Parliamentary Pastorals. 311 



" And how could I double my fist, 



And throw my arms gracefully round. 

 With grimaces, contortion, and twist, 



If my clothes were thus uselessly bound ! 

 If they dropped as debating grew warm, 



They never were out of my reach, 

 But I still ' hitched them up' in due form, 



As I filled up a gap in my speech. 



" I soon should be doomed to sit down, 



And listen to Croker and Peel, 

 If my hat didn't look rather brown, 



Or my coat were a shade too genteel. 

 And my jokes they'd consider too stale, 



If my shirt I neglected to shew ; 

 And all my orations would fail, 



If my waist were not open below. 



" They would say there was something afloat, 



Which they thought was suspicious and strange ; 

 If I hadn't been turning my coat, 



There was some ' inexpressible' change. 

 And then when I rose to reply, 



With a speech of four hours in my head ; 

 Their cheers all my friends would deny, 



And greet me with coughing instead. 



" I know what the newspapers say. 



But I care little what they may tell ; 

 Though I look, they affirm every day, 



Like a crab that is casting its shell. 

 But their paragraphs never could stab, 



And their wit is not free from a flaw ; 

 If 'tis true I resemble a crab, 



I can also come off with eclat. 



" If in locks that fell loose to the wind, 



The strength of a Sampson was placed ; 

 Who knows but that mine is enshrined, 



In the garment that flows from my waist. 

 And if I went up to the House, 



With my eloquence thus in restraint ; 

 I should have to sit mute as a mouse, 



And to look as demure as a saint. 



" Then Hunt would declare from my looks, 



I had taken his ' roasted' at last ; 

 And Perceval write in his books, 



I'd been keeping his ' General Fast/ 

 Then the Radical rogues would go on, 



To triumph with Hume and Burdett; 

 For the cause of the Tories is gone, 



When the sun of their glory is set. 



" Yes ! each Borough would quickly be lost. 



And each Schedule as rapidly passed, 

 If my back with your braces were crossed. 



And my clothes were made decent and fast." 

 He spoke no affectionate word, 



But away from my presence he flung ; 

 And I loved him the more than I heard, 



Such arguments fall from his tongue. 



