[ 332 ] [MARCH, 



A HISTORY OF THE " HUMBUG" FAMILY. 



DISCOVERED AMONG THE PAPERS OF A DECEASED ANTIQUARY. 



IT is extraordinary that, although both the continental and English 

 press groan with the immense number of " Memoirs" they have put 

 forth, mostly relating to some individual member of my family, none of 

 them have thought proper to give the public an authentic account of its 

 progress. Perhaps the gigantic nature of the subject prevented them. 

 Perhaps they had not materials. It is left to me, then, to perform this 

 arduous task, and I take it upon me with the full consciousness of that 

 great responsibility which rests with so important an undertaking. 



The antiquity of my family may be ascertained at the Herald's 

 College ; not a name there, which boasts of its purity and high descent, 

 but springs from that illustrious race, from which I have the honour to 

 be descended. We have become a mighty people, and increase far be- 

 yond the bounds of Mr. Malthus's powers of calculation, while a bond 

 of social brotherhood binds us, like the Freemasons, into one society. 



Our first chroniclers were the Egyptian priests, the worshippers of 

 Isis and Osiris, and the other branches of that respectable family. To 

 them we are indebted for the pyramids, formed with incredible labour 

 by many millions of people, for the laudable purpose of keeping our 

 name in remembrance by posterity. In them are preserved the mum- 

 mies of those immortal kings, who conferred so much honour on our 

 race. To them also are we indebted for the language of hieroglyphics, 

 which long remained one of the unknown tongues, and for the science 

 of astrology, that noble study which told, by the unerring record in 

 the heavens, the destiny of man. 



The next who immortalized our name were the Greek " Rhapsodists." 

 Jupiter was the supreme " Humbug" of his day, and through him we 

 claim relationship with the whole of the dramatis personse of the Grecian 

 mythology, the Dryads and the Oceanides, the Cyclops and the Giants, 

 the Satyrs, et hoc genus omne. That was a glorious time for our reign. 

 We had temples erected to our honour ; we had oracles, whose res- 

 ponses were considered sacred ; we had offerings, and sacrifice and 

 oblations : we thrived well. But the historians have recorded the 

 greatness of our house. e< The great kings" were decidedly great 

 Humbugs from Nimrod to Xerxes, and those of Assyria and Persia are 

 scarcely less so than those of Greece. Philip of Macedon did honour to 

 the name (Demosthenes himself is our authority for the relationship), 

 and his celebrated son, Alexander the Great, we have reason to boast of 

 for the beneficial effects which followed from the millions he sacrificed. 

 Those splendid orators, archons, and philosophers, whose " talents" 

 proceeded from a foreign treasury, swell the list of great names to 

 whom we bear kindred. 



With the Romans we also flourished ; from Romulus and Remus to 

 the twelve Caesars ; and from them to the Palaeologi of the Lower Em- 

 pire ; the Augurs, the Haruspices, and the Vestal Virgins, were our 

 relations. We lay claim to Titus Livius, of Padua, for chronicling pro- 

 digies, and to Ovid for writing metamorphoses. 



With the barbarians we have always been highly esteemed. Our 

 ancestors, Alaric, Nadir Shah, Zenghis Khan, and Attila, are of honour- 

 able and respected memory, and yet nothing to compare with that 

 exalted Humbug Mahomet. 



