1832.] Drearywit and his Friends. 411 



CHAPTER SIXTH. * d * ^ 9V * *" 



It were, without all question, a most desirable circumstance, if, after 

 having paid, however dearly, for our experience, we could, by some 

 extraordinary and retrograde movement, contrive to occupy the same 

 position in respect of years, application, and means, as that, from which 

 we originally started. But, the misery is, that we cannot do so ; and, 

 upon better reflection, a system of this kind would undoubtedly intro- 

 duce a strange jumble of dates, facts, and memories, not at all recon- 

 cileable with the known adaptation of our natures. We should, " take 

 no heed of time," even " by his loss," and, indeed, that worthy old 

 fellow would be constrained to shave off his beard with his own scythe, 

 and accommodate himself to the prevailing fashion. 



It is, nevertheless, melancholy to reflect, that a man is disposed to 

 husband his money precisely at the period when he has none left to 

 preserve ; just as vast pains are taken to turn the key of the stable, 

 after the horse has been sold at Smithfield. There is no help for it. 



Here now was a man, my friend, who had began life with " bril- 

 liant prospects," as they are called, compelled, much against his will, to 

 restrict his views to a narrow vista, terminating, in all probability, in a 

 dead wall ; and whose prandiary propensities were hereafter to be satis- 

 fied, not as formerly, at pleasure, but by certain express invitations 

 from Duke Humphrey, or by a wretched resemblance to King Nebu- 

 chadnezzar. 



Under such circumstances, a great many things are assuredly to be 

 done ; there is a wide scope wherein the faculties may expand them- 

 selves ; and if a man cannot become prime minister, he may at least be 

 secure of going out of the world like a gentleman whenever he pleases 

 to annex himself, by way of personal appendix, to a yard of twine. 



" Tis pleasant, through such loopholes of retreat," 



to make an escape from the vexation and coil incident to humanity ; 

 and as there is very little pleasure upon earth, it is well to be inde- 

 pendent of that element when we take our leave of it. 



With such consolatory talk did I beguile the miseries of my unfortu- 

 nate friend, who had now discarded altogether that impatience of 

 advice, and repugnance to reproof, so common and prejudicial to young 

 men in general ; and who, perhaps, would have listened to the exhorta- 

 tion and comfort even of Earthworm, or Gulph. As for Millwheel, he 

 had long ago given him up for lost ; ever since he had ascertained that 

 the miserable wretch had been guilty of a taste for the fine arts, and 

 had actually uttered strange language, indicating occasional sympathy 

 for his fellow creatures, couched, alas ! in the abominable form of senti- 

 ment. Moreover, he was at this time too busily engaged in the composi- 

 tion of a work intended to prove that all men were rascals, and that, 

 accordingly, all men should beware of all men ; and it was an ingenious 

 expedient of his logic, that whenever he found a particular conclusion 

 at direct variance with the principle he sought to establish, that princi- 

 ple was set down at once as steadfast, immovable, and not to be contro- 

 verted. 



There were, at this juncture, several paths open to Drearywit, into 

 one of which I would willingly have introduced that young man ; very 

 good paths in their way, although not so precisely gravelled and 



