[ 566 ] [MAY, 



THE REIGNING VICE. 



WE should very much like to see an Act of Parliament made to suppress 

 the diffusion of quotations. There is an immense bundle of the wretched 

 mangled victims that we have a very great wish to consign to perdition, 

 without further ceremony. And we would, were it in our power, inflict 

 an unpayable penalty upon, or indulge with an unbearable burthen, the 

 enormous and immeasurable ass who should, after fair warning, venture a 

 bray upon any thing approximating to the lines we are about to enume- 

 rate, with hundreds of others in daily course of infliction, but to which we 

 dare not trust ourselves more particularly to refer. 



We make it an undeviating rule conceiving, as we do, that our life 

 depends upon the strictness with which we adhere to it whenever we 

 attend a general meeting or a public dinner, to keep as near to the door 

 as possible, that we may incontinently escape at half a minute's notice. 

 For ten to one, before the cloth has been drawn a quarter of an hour, 

 some afflicting animal will prick up his ears, and elevating himself upon 

 the table, either propose a health, return thanks, or " beg to explain." 

 Of course, the raggamuffin is at a nonplus in less than twenty unintelli- 

 gible words, and then we know well enough where he will take refuge. 

 " Yes," quoth he, " as an immortal bard says," " our great poet has 

 it," or, " Shakspeare tells us." We need not say, that immediately we 

 hear " immortal bard," " great poet," or Shakspeare referred to, we fly, 

 or converting the nearest tangible material into a destructive missile, 

 launch it with superhuman force at the head of the complacent coxcomb, 

 and thenceforth you may behold him, " as our poet has it," 



" fallen from his high estate, 



And weltering" 



amongst the decanters, to the insuppressible delight of the beholders, who 

 usually return us a vote of thanks, and propose us as chairman for the 

 next meeting. 



And let no one accuse us of partiality or injustice. We are equally 

 prompt in denouncing the nuisance, and in checking the recurrence of it 

 among our own particular acquaintance. For instance, once dining 

 with a friend, and taking our wine after dinner, the conversation 

 turned upon the distinction between rhetoric and oratory. Our friend, 

 who is a sensible man, and not often guilty of inhumanity at his own 

 table, distrusting his own remaining power, felt that he was sinking, 

 and would fain have preserved himself by seizing upon the straw of 

 a quotation. " You know, my dear fellow," remarked he, " what 

 Tully says." We knew too well, we have heard it a thousand times 

 before from the same lips. " You know what Tully says ;" this was 

 enough for us. We had kept our eyes steadfastly fixed upon the speaker 

 during his harangue; and the instant we heard the Roman orator cited, 

 gave a fillip with our finger to a nutshell, with such admirable dexterity, 

 that we lodged the husky envelope in the very epiglottis of the incipient 

 bore. Chuckling at the success of our expedient, we made good our 

 retreat, and despatched a servant to the aid of his master, who was by this 

 time well nigh giving up the ghost in the dining-room. 



What do you think of the ruthless rascal (he is usually a fourth-rate 

 actor, or a linendraper's apprentice) who, in expressing his acknowledge- 

 ments for the honour done him by drinking his health, concludes with, 



