1832.] The Inconveniences of an Independence. 575 



a few family friends, who knew my circumstances, and on whom I 

 could rely for not bruiting- them out of a regard to their own consequence. 

 Within this small (certainly not select) circle of acquaintance I confined 

 my visits, and being a bachelor without an establishment, had no need to 

 offer an excuse for not inviting- a return of my visits, were not their 

 acquaintance with my circumstances a sufficient one. 



Even among these, however, I had my mortifications, which I could not 

 patiently have submitted to, (though undesigned) but for the alternative of 

 losing the limited advantages and monotonous variety afforded by their 

 company. I was always considered " one of the family," but with this 

 decisive understanding, that I never was to become a member by relation- 

 ship. The girls were never suffered to remain in the room alone with 

 me, and I was never by any chance allowed to escort them otherwise un- 

 accompanied to any public place ; but with this I did not quarrel, as it 

 saved me many incursions on my income of two hundred a-year. I was 

 not matrimonially inclined, for I looked upwards in considering an alli- 

 ance, as well as in forming my acquaintanceships. I had too much sense 

 and prudence to marry a girl that I could love, but who possessed no 

 property ; and too much pride to owe my establishment to a wife ; besides 

 I was not in much danger of committing- matrimony had I been that way 

 inclined, for I was not surrounded by those anxious, happy mothers, 

 with each a string of fine-grown girls ; for an inquiry as to my property 

 and expectations, met with the chilling quietus of " extensive collateral 

 relationships, and two hundred a-year." 



I kept up my fashionable reputation, however, by being occasionally seen 

 in the drive in a stanhope or a carriage, with a friend or party ; but even 

 this needful indulgence I sparingly allowed myself, for had I made it 

 my constant habit, it would have compelled me to frequent the coffee- 

 rooms of the loungers, and to have joined their wine-parties, in default of 

 which I was voted a " close one," and thought an odd quiz, and my known 

 reputation as a perfect gentleman alone prevented me from being cut in 

 consequence. Having in some degree overcome the inconvenience of a 

 narrow and limited income, which at first constituted my besetting annoy- 

 ance, I began to feel that hopeless monotony which before had been in some 

 measure kept aloof by my perpetual struggles to bring down the resources 

 of my amusement to those of my income. The care of living within that 

 was now banished by my almost parsimonious habits in private, and my 

 judicious forbearance and management in company, which many denials 

 and many failures at length taught me to arrange with a ready adroit- 

 ness that blinded even my friends. This habitu&l caution and foresight in 

 little matters began to mark my physiognomy with the deep contracting 

 lines of petty cares, and my mind was in some degree affected by the opera- 

 tion of narrow circumstances. Yet I was without absolute care, without 

 fear, and consequently without hope as to the future ; and thus I was 

 without happiness, and possessed only negative comfort. This state was 

 intolerable. I therefore set about considering how I might employ my 

 time, since I could not spend it. I felt its weight relieved by sleep, only 

 to wake to the burthen in the morning; and an honourable employ- 

 ment, an occupation compatible with my station, even without emolu- 

 ment, would have been welcome. To office I looked with an envious 

 and despairing glance. I had no ministerial influence to command, and 

 I scorned to solicit (had that been of use) a post under government. I 

 wanted the talent requisite to enliven or inform the public mind through 



