576 The Inconveniences of an Independence. [MAY 1 , 



the medium of the press. Every avenue to distinction was crowded with 

 qualified or dauntless candidates. I wanted stimulus to jostle such a mul- 

 titude ; I had neither genius nor poverty to urge me on, though I might 

 have filled a situation with propriety and respectability. Had I possessed 

 only the bare means of subsistence, that had been a sufficient inducement to 

 have sought the attainment of more extended means ; but being possessed 

 of a competency, I remained an idle and unhappy man ! A most potent 

 reason for such condition, ironically exclaims the man of common sense : 

 and now I can myself agree with him. 



About this time I was introduced to a club by a persevering friend, who 

 would not be deterred from cultivating an intimacy with me by my tacit 

 refusal of his acquaintance, and was duly elected a member. This was an 

 economical, as well as an agreeable indulgence, and for a time the novelty 

 as well as the convenience of the thing, attracted me constantly to the 

 splendidly furnished apartments. At length even this varied, gay, and ele- 

 gant scene, with its attending comforts and rare union of economy and 

 luxury, ceased to charm. I seriously resolved to change my mode of 

 life, but to act was not so easy as to resolve. As a first step, I took an 

 actual survey of my situation in the world, and I found it was in the 

 purgatory of life, equally remote from the paradise of hope, and the pan- 

 demonium of despair. I must then attain one or other of these, since 

 my own region was so miserable. The giddy eminence of the court was 

 above my reach. I mingled not in the whirl of fashionable movements, 

 and was unassociated with the dull respectability of mercantile privacy. It 

 was the polished leisure of diplomatic eminence that I coveted. This was 

 a point gained. I had at length discovered what I wished for and if I 

 could not hope, I might at least season my unpalatable misery with despair ! 

 I must either lower my pride or increase my income ; by doing one I 

 might accomplish both, and attain a happy occupation and a wealthy 

 leisure : but no ! I was possessed of an independence of two hundred a- 

 year ; a gentleman I was born and bred, and a gentleman I must die. 



I was now visited by desperate suggestions ; I was tempted to rush into 

 debt and dissipation, and thence into the Thames and eternity ; when 

 all on a sudden my ideal miseries were banished in an instant and every 

 real advantage of my independence flashed upon my brain, by the infor- 

 mation I received of the cessation of my annuity ! It appeared that a 

 claimant to the family estate had arisen, and in his exertions to discover 

 his own, had found a flaw in our title to it, which he exposed to the heir 

 at law, and the whole property went from our family. 



This intelligence had the effect of an electric shock upon a benumbed 

 and torpid sensation. I recovered from the momentary prostration to an 

 activity of mind that I had never before experienced. I felt that I must 

 instantly exert myself. My pride was banished, my latent desire roused, 

 and I brought up all my energy and judgment to assist me. I flew to 

 one or two of my most intimate friends ; I would not allow them to con- 

 dole with me on my loss of fortune or alarm me with the dismal prospect 

 of the future ; but set them immediately to work to assist me in my pursuit 

 of my wishes. I " put my shoulder to the wheel," and as I had never be- 

 fore had occasion to ask, so I had scarcely need to hint at the value of 

 the services of my immediate friends. To be brief I attained the summit 

 of my ambition a post under government. 



I have once more two hundred a year, and am perfectly happy for I 

 earn it. S. 



