530 Windlass Hall. [MAT, 



day he succeeded for the first time in introducing the " Gridiron-Pen- 

 dulum" into his kitchen. His friend, Professor Pond, had shewn him that 

 instrument in the Greenwich Observatory, and it immediately struck him 

 it might be applied as advantageously to the dressing of a chop as to the 

 transit of a star. "This is a banquet," he exclaimed, " worthy of Huygeus 

 himself," helping me, as he spoke, to a mutton cutlet, which had' been 

 submitted to the action of the flames at least twenty minutes longer than 

 the " code gourmand" warranted. To me this seemed rather feeble 

 evidence of the use of physics in gastronomy : Philosophy, said I to 

 myself, is as bad a hand at broiling a chop, as Alfred was at baking a 

 cake. It was obvious, however, that the Captain was of a different way 

 of thinking, for he could not be persuaded to touch any thing else at table 

 but the mutton cutlets, which Count Rumford himself could not have 

 distinguished from a heap of cinders, so efficiently had the Gridiron Pen- 

 dulum acquitted itself in its new function. 



The consequences, however, of so elaborate a cooking apparatus as, by 

 a long series of " improvements" has been accumulated in the kitchen of 

 Windlass Hall, are often much more serious than the mere overbroiling 

 of a chop. The good old family jack, which in the days of the Captain's 

 father was, as I have heard, almost an example of perpetual motion, now 

 that it has received an accession of at least a hundred wheels, pulleys, 

 cranks, levers, detached-escapements, and heaven knows what, is seldom 

 in a rotatory condition more than three days in the week ; the r6tis are 

 therefore commonly deficient on the board of my gallant friend, who is 

 however too intrepid to allow accidents of this nature, no matter how 

 frequently they occur, to shake his confidence in his " Triple-Action 

 Jack," as he scientifically terms a machine which it is no easy matter to 

 prevail upon to act at all. When informed by his " chef" that any of 

 the cranks or levers have got out of order, he calmly answers " Well, 

 Auguste, never mind it to-day ; it is merely the effect of friction j I have 

 a formula that will soon set it to rights ; we shall try to make out our 

 dinner without the sirloin." Sometimes his sister ventures to drop a hint 

 about a hook and string as no bad contrivance at a pinch j but she is sure 

 to get an angry reprimand for her pains. It is amusing that is, it would 

 be amusing, if it were any less serious interest than dinner that was in 

 jeopardy to observe the effect of a discussion of this nature upon the 

 faces of the company at the Hall : how they fall at the ominous words, 

 " jack out of order," " no roast beef;" how they rise and brighten at the 

 happy idea of the " hook and string ; " and how they fall lower than ever 

 and grow dark as Erebus, when, with a look of lightning and voice of 

 thunder, the Captain spurns the proposition, as an insult to himself and a 

 blasphemy against mechanical science. This effect is particularly comic 

 at times, when the inclemency of the weather or other circumstances 

 render escape from the hall imprudent. The parson, however, defies all 

 dangers ; he is certain, whenever the jack is out of order, to have a child 

 to christen, or some other pastoral duty to perform in a distant part of 

 the parish. 



Breakfast affords the Captain much less scope than dinner for the dis- 

 play of his talents j but still the chances against the success of the former 

 meal are far from being inconsiderable. The self-replenishing tea-distiller 

 may refuse to perform any one of its various functions, in which case a cup 

 of tea is out of the question, the vulgar utensil for making that delicious 



