174 AKT AND MYSTERY OF 



your book could not have been written by any one who was not well 

 acquainted with the secrets of political intrigue. 



Never commence operations until you have read two or three 

 metaphysical treatises, at the same time taking care to study them 

 with extreme carelessness. Your object must be, not to gain infor- 

 mation, but to acquire the means of imposing upon your fellow- 

 creatures. To become deeply versed in metaphysical language is a 

 work of supererogation ; but to be able to prattle in a few of its set 

 phrases is an useful accomplishment. Never throw away an opportu- 

 nity of starting an abstract question, and of dwelling upon it with all 

 the attention which it demands. Whenever you first mention love, 

 poetry, or puff-paste, cravat, remorse, or silk stocking, you must 

 enter into a dissertation upon its nature and qualities, and utter a 

 rhapsody upon its charms, intermingled with salutary observations 

 upon its corruptions and dangerous influences. 



You cannot but have seen the necessity of introducing in the 

 course of the plot sundry striking events, which, by prescriptive 

 right, claim a place in every novel, and which may be varied and 

 modified as the author may please. His chief aim, however, must be 

 to make them striking ; and this he may do at the expense of his 

 readers' nerves, the consistency of the plot, and the dignity of human 

 nature, without any apprehension of condemnation or failure : he 

 should, therefore, prefer a duel to an action for libel, and a murder 

 to every thing. 



Heroes may vary in their peculiarities of character, as much as au- 

 thors themselves, but, unlike the latter, all should have a decided 

 tendency to perfection. You may, if you please, follow Xenophon's 

 plan, and make your hero the model rather than the copy of a man. 

 This has been done with success in one instance by an amiable and 

 talented lady: indeed the dear creatures who flirt with the pen, are 

 uniformly and unequivocally given to exaggeration. Whatever may be 

 the subject of their ruminations, religion, love, politics, natural or 

 moral descriptions, every thing is drawn in colours unnaturally vivid. 

 They are never satisfied with making virtue fascinating and vice re- 

 pulsive, but raise the one above the limits of our admiration, and sink 

 the other below the bounds of our belief. The novel at which I have 

 just hinted is a striking illustration of my remark. The creature of 

 the writer's imagination is placed at sundry times, in sundry critical 

 situations, from all which he extricates himself with grace and inno- 

 cence. I will just mention one: a married lady falls as desperately 

 in love with him as a woman can do ; she quits her house, runs 

 to his lodgings, and throws herself into his arms. I must confess 

 that when I came to this part of the story, I was seized with an invo- 

 luntary shudder. To my simple mind it appeared impossible that 

 the authoress could separate the parties with entire credit to herself 

 and them. The time of the occurrence was night, the tempter a 

 beautiful woman, the tempted a man. How then does Diana inter- 

 pose ? A knock is heard at the door ; the lady swoons as was to be 

 expected, and the gentleman, unexpectedly enough, snatches up his 

 fair visitor, puts her into a hackney-coach, and conveys her back to 

 her own house ! 



