SOME GENTLEMAN'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 205 



Beelzebub the Turkey carpet the cottage which I have not yet 

 seen." 



" Nor ever will, my dear fellow, for it exists only in my own ima- 

 gination : but then, to be sure there's this house, centrically situa- 

 ted " 



" In good repair '' 



" Held for a long term, at a moderate rent " 

 " Not a chimney in it smokes no drafts, no rattling old windows, 

 and no noisy children, Dick !" 



" True, my dear ! I sup full of felicity. Then again, we must not 

 forget my former identity, which, you may readily guess, annoyed 

 me as much, and stuck to me as closely, wherever I went, as the old 

 man of the mountain did to the shoulders of Sinbad." 



" A hump which you couldn't pitch like a porter does a package 

 of suspicious goods and run away from it.'' 



" No : in fact Garnet is the safest name I ever wore." 

 " And you've been rather volatile, Dick, eh ?" 

 tf Uncommonly, as I am free to confess." 



" Ha ! ha ! but now for the climax of all this badinage. Is it a 

 serious proposition of one hundred guineas there or thereabouts 

 little more or less ?" 



" My dear Maria, I cannot bear this. You won't look at things in 

 a proper light." 



" A hundred and fifty then ?" 



" Providence, though late in life, has beneficently interfered on my 

 behalf " 



" Two hundred pounds ?" 



" And shall I be such an ingrate as to reject its proffered 

 blessings ?" 



" Make it guineas." 



" My affections, safety, ease, comfort, and a thousand other con- 

 siderations admonish me not to cast my bread upon the waters " 

 " Pshaw ! don't be rapacious !" 



" Pythagoras, in his remarks on the transmigration of souls, has 

 divinely observed " 



" Oh bother Pythagoras ! Don't bring him in as a mock-bidder, 

 or Socrates, Plato, and Euclid will presently follow. Take my final 

 offer of two hundred and fifty money down, Dick and let the ham- 

 mer fall." 



ce Don't call me Dick, dearest ! my name is Jonathan, Jonathan 

 Garnet ; a bourgeois and objectionable appellation it is true, but pos- 

 sesses such solid advantages (for even to say nothing of you, there's 

 the business you know, and the safety as well), that hang me, my 

 love, if any consideration on earth shall tempt me to part with it. 

 Henceforth I am an attorney who has been very ill ; you have recog- 

 nized, Lord Tenterden has ratified me as such, and it would be bad 

 taste on my part " 



" Of course Dick, you're joking still joking on the broadest possi- 

 ble scale." 



" I made no reply ; but fixing myself firmly in the elbow-chair 

 which I occupied, after having poked the fire with all the emphasis 



