220 CALAMITIES OF LIVING MEN OF GENIUS. 



" Tut, man!" said the other; ' that's by no means certain. I 

 have many chances ." 



" I see none." 



" Then you are a fool. Why, before twelve months, the city may 

 be burnt about our ears the plague may take off half its inhabitants 

 or, perhaps THE ASS MAY DIB!" 



So thought Jones, as he calculated his chances beneath the bed- 

 clothes " THE ASS MAY DIE !" 



Now for case two. Calamity the second. Jenkins, a young bard 

 of considerable fame, was always feelingly alive to the infirmities of 

 young publishers. A very good-natured bookseller at the West End 

 of the Town, had scarcely got his shutters taken down on his " open- 

 ing day," when Jenkins paid him a visit, bearing a huge roll of what 

 seemed to be manuscript, but which in fact was mere dummy under 

 his arm. This he stated was all but finished ; it would assuredly 

 eclipse the most popular of his previous productions, and upon his 

 honour, Mr. So-and-so (the victim) should bring it out should se- 

 cure the valuable publication of it, on his own terms, by the mere 

 momentary advance of ten or twenty pounds for which Jenkins was 

 just then unexpectedly pushed, He hated applying to friends on 

 these occasions he would rather at any time go to work like a man 

 of business, and instead of an unpleasant amicitial loan, obtain a 

 commercial advance. Mr. So-and-so must know that his books sold 

 (this was true by the bye) and he would doubtless see the pro- 

 spective benefit of publishing his very best. , uo^ sv 



Poor Mr. So-and-so bit ; and Jenkins departed with his roll and a 

 checque for 20/. About half-past eight the next evening, So-and-so 

 had occasion to step into a coffee-house near Charing Cross. The mo- 

 ment he entered, his ears were convulsed by uproarious bursts of 

 merriment proceeding from a party of gentlemen in a snug box at 

 the upper end of the room. The next moment a voice which he 

 fancied he had heard before, insisted on " silence for a toast/' To 

 his utter amazement the publisher's health was drunk with nine 

 times nine, why or wherefore he could not conceive. The rattle of 

 the glasses had subsided before our friend, the publisher, recovered 

 from his surprise. At last curiosity overcame politeness, and wish- 

 ing to know to whom his gratitude was due for such a mark of es- 

 teem, he ventured to the other end of the room upon some excuse, 

 and casting a sidelong glance into the box, beheld to his infinite 

 dismay the distressed poet, seated with some jovial companions 

 round a table covered with long-necked bottles of every vintage of 

 France ! 



The effect was that of an apparition upon him ; for in every one of 

 those long-necked monsters, he beheld the ghost of his cheque ! The 

 man of business has often since been known to declare that sensations 

 of the most peculiar description are created in him at the sight of a 

 poet ; and at the bare mention of a distressed man of genius, he in- 

 continently buttons up his breeches pockets. 



But now for the crowning calamity to this garland of cypress ! 

 Another gentleman, an attic wit, and likewise a man of genius, though 

 unfortunate a man who has unhappily experienced those vicissitudes 



