DIARY OF A JOKE-HUNTKli. 301 



company one morning, and wondered how the deuce the latter con- 

 trived to master his parts with such velocity. " Here/' said he, " the 

 manager twits me with your getting perfect in forty lengths long be- 

 fore I can manage ten ; now tell us, will you, how you manage it ? 

 Where is the secret ?" " Oh !" said the other, " I stroll down to the 

 willow-walk of a morning, and go through my part for an hour or so 

 before breakfast." " Oh ! that's the game, is it ? Then, egad, I'll 

 try it with Sir Giles : shall you be there to-morrow ?" " By no 

 means ! I've been perfect in Justice Greedy these two days." " Oh, 

 you have, have you ? Very well, at rehearsal, my boy, you shall 

 find how I'll astonish you." The next day, about ten o'clock, the 

 low comedy gentleman had an unexpected vision of R. wet as a 

 drowned rat. " Why, confound your intellects!" quoth the latter, 

 " I'll be dashed if you arn't a pretty fellow ?" " How now, what's 

 the matter ?" " Matter, Sir ! a great deal's the matter ! a hoax is 

 the matter, as you shall hear ! Here have I, pursuant to your ad- 

 vice, been toddling to and fro in the willow-walk, for two hours be- 

 fore breakfast, but instead of getting perfect in Sir Giles, egad, I've 

 got perfectly well wet through !" 



6th. Last night I supped with Dr. M. ; the consequence is that I 

 have gathered flesh. Must mind what I am at or shall be in danger 

 of getting corpulent. My tailor, Walker of Southampton- street, sent 

 me a waistcoat from my measure taken last week. Horrorstruck 

 at finding it didn't fit me, he threatened to immolate himself. 

 Offered him Christian consolation, and explained circumstances. M.'s 

 last tumbler of toddy too bad ; but ate voraciously for breakfast : 

 four eggs boiled as hard as bullets, Sicilian salt, fresh butter, and 

 Turkey coffee untainted with milk or sugar. Tried to recollect some 

 of the facetious doctor's jokes; but all had evanesced save one. It 

 Avas this and M. said he knew it to be a fact as good and bondjide 

 a bull as ever had been made. W., the great binder, during the rush 

 to get out Annuals a year or so back, hired a pro temp. Irish porter, 

 having already a permanent specimen of the same species on his 

 establishment. The latter was confidential, and W., taking him 

 aside, sternly inhibited his talking emerald with young Pro Temp. 

 About an hour after, the gentle pair met by accident behind a stack 

 of the Keepsake, and W. heard them aggravating their voices. The 

 confidential was instantly summoned, and the following colloquy 

 occurred : " Soh ! you couldn't refrain !" " E' then, sir, I'll make 

 bould to say, I've acted like a person of principle in this transagg- 

 shun." " Nonsense ! I expressly told you that I would have no time 

 wasted by your practising your native tongue together." " Nor will 

 you, sir, unless I'm mightily mistaken, thanks to the measures I 

 tuck. Acting up to the spirit of your orders, meeself put a stop to 

 the thing intirely before it began. This is what happened : says he 

 to me, awhile ago there by the Keepsake, says he, ' How do you like 

 the place you've got here, and what sort of a man is your masther ?' 

 spaking in Irish, you'll remark. ' Perfectly well, friend/ says I ; 

 ' and the masther's a gentleman inside and out/ answering his ques- 

 tion in English though, you'll observe, so that he mightn't know I knew 

 Irish!" 



