306 DIARY OF A JOKE HUNTER. 



shionable editress of the Court Magazine, he has ticketed and labelled 

 her as though any man could mistake those eyes having actually 

 made her write her name on the blank leaf of a book that lies before 

 her. What a sublime novelty ! an invention scarcely surpassed by 

 that of the steam-engine ! Here is a piece of canvas, by which not 

 only the portrait, but the autograph, of Mrs. Norton, will be trans- 

 mitted to posterity ! 



Man, with a tube indicating deafness, in friendly discourse with 

 a sensitive artist talked like a trombone, and, to the poor painter's 

 annoyance, spoke kindly, but sufficiently loud to be heard by all pre- 

 sent, of taking up " that bill for seven pounds ten," which had been 

 so long in Toby's hands. Ran against H. He had a joke again. 

 This was it : 



B. said one day to W., <( If you'll drive me down to the Star and 

 Garter in your gig, we'll dine there at my immediate outlay, but with 

 this especial proviso namely, that he who gets drunker than the 

 other, shall eventually pay." W. agreed, and they went. About four 

 o'clock the next morning, B. was found prostrate, and outstretched as 

 a Prussian spread-eagle, on the steps of his door, snoring like a 

 Scotch trumpeter. W. however, did worse. After setting down B., 

 totally forgetting that his nag had a gig at his tail, he mounted the 

 horse; and at day-break was discovered, supinely astraddle, at his 

 stable door. A jury of drinkers being impanelled, they naturally 

 enough declared, that it was impossible for B. or any other human 

 being, to have ascended higher in the scale of supreme drunkenness 

 than W. ; who consequently had to disburse the needful. 



12th. Bought a ticket for a charity-school dinner ; by virtue 

 whereof, I dined with about sixty citizens. After the cloth was re- 

 moved, the secretary read the report, and announced the subscrip- 

 tions : " Alderman Sir A. B. C. one guinea, Mr. Deputy W. one 

 guinea, c. &c." Then, after some thumping on the table, came the 

 usual toasts in succession. At length the chairman began to be par- 

 ticular j and after an eloquent eulogium on the alderman of the ward, 

 the patron of the charity, Sir A. B. C., he proposed that worthy gen- 

 tleman's health, with three times three. 



As, in duty bound, we all stood up ; the toast-master a fellow with 

 blear eyes and a blue-bottle nose had already given the announce- 

 ment ; every glass was charged every lip was ready when, to the 

 utter dismay of the official portion of the party, an unknown gentle- 

 man begged leave to ask a question. " I feel that I am out of 

 order," said he, " and actually trespassing upon regime; yet, with 

 your permission, I cannot help inquiring, Mr. Chairman, if the 

 worthy alderman, Sir A. B. C., whose health we are about to drink, 

 with triple honours thrice repeated, is the same worthy alderman, Sir 

 A. B. C., whose munificent donation to this charity, OF ONE GUINEA, 

 has just been announced?" It is almost needless to add, that the toast 

 was smothered in egregious laughter. 



13th. Fell in with that facetious wag B. His stones dwindle 

 into utter platitude when told in type. Who, in mere words, could 

 pourtray the pantomime of Harry Beverly being kicked one night, 



