NOTES OF THE MONTH. 343 



across it; and the party-wall appropriately cracks when he sees a few 

 friends. 



An Englishman's house has ceased to be his castle : any apprentice 

 to a " cracksman" can get into it. We are provided with means, ad 

 nauseam, of debarring the delinquent portion of the population from 

 intruding on us by means of our front doors ; they are provided with 

 bars, bolts, chains, and elaborate locks they are nearly two inches 

 thick : but the back ditto are in most cases constructed of half-inch 

 deal, and, generally speaking, fortified only with a latch, and a ten- 

 penny bolt. We pay enormously for having our front doors, which 

 are perfectly secure, well watched ; but we leave our languid back 

 entrances to take their chance. The shutters of our drawing-rooms 

 have patent and difficult fastenings ; those of our kitchens and pan- 

 tries, being more accessible, are as easy of solution as the first rule in 

 arithmetic ; of course, therefore, " a family man" never attempts to 

 break into our house at its well-watched and well- warded front he 

 wisely walks in at the back area. Is there any " understanding" be- 

 tween our builders and our burglars ? 



Except in the case of cupboards, doors are invariably hung so as 

 to open inwards : thus affording an ingenious and additional facility 

 to those who practise at the crowbar, and at the same time offering 

 an insurmountable obstacle, (should the unfortunate tenant, in case of 

 fire, happen to injure the lock,) to breaking out. Does any particular 

 reason exist why they should be made to swing into the sitting-rooms 



and dormitories ? But there is another evil in modern architecture 



we soar above the clouds in a balloon we travel at the rate of 

 ten knots an hour against wind and tide in a steam-boat we visit 

 the depths of ocean in a diving-bell we defy the elements wonder 

 follows wonder, and such is the state of science that nothing seems 

 impossible we even consume the black breath of our huge breweries 

 and still, in spite of all this, every third house is cursed by the 

 presence of that domestic demon, that household Ashtaroth, a smoky 

 chimney ! 



01 sari, ujqr .II-MTI if>#A tt^xiiip**'- 



WORSHIPFUL WISDOM. Mr. Ballantine has made a discovery in 

 ethics. From an elaborate address which the papers ascribe to him, 

 on the occasion of his committing a young woman for the misde- 

 meanour of attempting t( to make away with herself," we extract the 

 following: 



" It is, perhaps, a greater offence in the eyes of Providence, to commit 

 self-murder, than to kill another person." 



Indeed ! Now, if Mr. Ballantine were to commit self-murder he 

 would do it by the permission of his victim : he would have his 

 reasons for dying good, bad, or indifferent, no matter which, for they 

 would be conclusive to him he would set his house in order like 

 Rabelais, perhaps, he would get his boots greased. But if, instead of 

 himself, he selected Sir Frederick Roe, the offence, in police report 

 phraseology,?would be ' ' of a deeper dye." Of course, he would not 

 obtain Sir Frederick's consent : he would not give him a quarter's 

 notice he would not convince Sir Frederick that he had better be 



