386 



THE SHORT GENTLEMAN, 



we often gain them, too. Perdie ! as merit is so notoriously enhanced 

 by difficulties overcome, I might, were I of a philosophic turn (which 

 unfortunately I am not) feel elevated in one sense, by my lack of ele- 

 vation in another. Certainly a folio in Roman capitals looks imposing, 

 but a duodecimo in Lower case may contain the same intelligence, and 

 is moreover the handier volume. Besides, the persevering of our 

 race have the proclaimed admiration of the gods to set against the 

 slighting regards of mortals ; for it is known that the sight of a vir- 

 tuous man struggling with undeserved troubles, is as a bouquet to the 

 superior deities. This thought ennobles us, as being " born to suf- 

 fer," but I, who am no stoic, and have no ambition to have it said, 

 reference to myself, 



" Tertius a coelo cecidit Cato." 



must fairly own that it does not, in my case, blunt the repeated sting 

 *of terrestial persecution. 



The earliest blight my young aspirations received, arising out of 

 Dame Nature's mistreatment, was, as has been hinted, the being de- 

 nied permission to drawl, dance, and smoke cigars in scarlet. True, 

 it may be held that the colour of one's coat is not connected with hap- 

 piness or the contrary ; yet it is a hardship to lie under any sort of 

 arbitrary prohibition. Like the old citizen in the story, who, after 

 abiding seventy years within the walls of his city, unmoved to pass 

 beyond, risked punishment for a ramble when it had been formally 

 refused him, so did I the more pine for military honours, seeing my- 

 self excluded therefrom. Next to the pleasure of enacting manly 

 deeds comes the privilege of talking big over them. Even that se- 

 condary indulgence was, and is, withheld from me. I soon perceived 

 that whenever I glanced at a spirited intention, such as the chastise- 

 ment I destined for some impertinent ; or related an anecdote of past 

 energy a little heightened, perhaps more majornm, a repressed 

 smile invariably sat on the features of audience, which tripped me in 

 mid career. Every body must feel how provoking the liability ; be- 

 cause every body is aware that to be precluded from sounding a few 

 flourishes of this description, would be to sit in company, gagged 

 with a wet blanket. Thus do I find my self-importance crushed at 

 the social board even the seat of our most equal relaxations. And 

 what is a man without self-importance? A cipher. Modesty is 

 jreally an amiable quality, and very proper to inculcate ; but, Lord 

 help him who is overburthened with it as times go ! 



In the drawing-room, my ill-hap no less attends me. A gallant, to 

 be at his ease, must feel himself one to whom the fair can look up for 

 protection ; and luckless is he, who may not, upon a literal construc- 

 tion, claim that kind of regard. Where is the would-be Lothario, that 

 could preserve his composure, on overhearing a silvery-toned voice 

 allued to him as " little Mr. So-and-So/' or possibly favour him with 

 the character of a " nice little creature ? " / never could, and I have 

 had a few opportunities for practice. Then, at a ball, to be shunned 

 as a partner by the taller ladies, lest the contrast should be too strong; 

 and equally avoided by the shorter, lest the affinity should invite sar- 

 casm : 'tis too bad. I shall never forget the mortification I endured, 



