THE ANONYMOUS LETTER. 



To write an anonymous letter is ungentlemanly : of this there can 

 no doubt nay more, it is mean dastardly skulking depraved! 

 But what could I do? Colonel Plinth was about to marry his 

 cook 



To write an anonymous letter is degrading, to say the least: it 

 would require the skill of a Sophist to render it justifiable perhaps; 

 and yet when Colonel Plinth was going to marry his cook 



A vixen a perfect Saracen of a woman behind his back ; and he 

 a man of nice honour who had gained golden laurels at Seringapa- 

 tam an aide-de-camp to Sir David Baird my friend ! The intelli- 

 gence had come like a thunder-bolt. 



To write an anonymous letter^ except under the most imperative 

 circumstances, is unquestionably atrocious. I felt that, even posited 

 as I was, with the most benevolent intentions, conscience my con- 

 science, as a gentleman and an officer, would hesitate to approve of it. 

 I paused I determined to weigh the matter well; but the convic- 

 tion fell upon me like an avalanche that not a moment was to be lost ! 

 Colonel Plinth was on the eve of marrying his cook 



Rebecca Moggs ! And he my brother-in-law the widowed hus- 

 band of my sainted sister a K. C. B. a wearer of four medals, two 

 crosses, and the order of the golden fleece a man who had received 

 the thanks of parliament the written approbation of my Lord Clive 

 two freedoms in gold boxes ! a man who, had he nobly fell on the 

 ramparts of Tippoo's capital, would have been taken home in rum, 

 and buried in St. Paul's. 



His fragment his living remains (for he possessed only one 

 organ of a sort having lost a leg, an arm, an eye and a nostril) had 

 resolved on what I considered a sort of demi-post-mortem match, 

 with what ? 



A blowsy, underhung menial, whose only merit consisted in cook- 

 ing mulligatawny, and rubbing with a soft fat palm the wounded 

 ancle of his partially efficient leg ; the illegitimate offspring of a 

 Sepoy pioneer's trull ; a creature whom my lovely and accomplished 

 sister had taken from the breast of her dead mother (the woman a 

 camp-follower received an iron ball in her brain from one of Tip- 

 poo's guerilla troops in the jungle) one whom Evadne had brought 

 up, with maternal care, in her kitchen; a scullion! And such a 

 one to be Colonel Plinth's wife to take the place of Evadne ! Good 

 God! 



To write an anonymous letter is rather revolting ; much may be 

 said against it ; it is one's dernier resort : still it has its advantages 

 and why neglect them? Had Colonel Plinth not been what he was 

 were he but a casual acquaintance or a mere friend then in- 

 deed 



But he was my brother-in-law my brother in armsin a word 

 Colonel Plinth. 



