THE WALHAM WAG. 



FROM THE DIARY OP A JOKE-HUNTER. 



* * * SAM answered my knock. " Master's out, sir," said he ; 

 ft found himself very queer and quisbyish this morning, so he's took 

 the Fulham stage, and gone down to Mr. Hook's/' Felt exceedingly 

 queer and quisbyish myself, and determined on following the ex- 

 ample of so good a judge. Made the best of my way to the White 

 Horse Cellar. Mat Webster was there clean as usual, but evidently 

 down upon his luck. Inquired the reason. " Why it's a blue look 

 out, master," said he. " Here now arter trying for more nor a month, 

 and spending within a trifle, one and ten pence to bring the thing 

 to a final commencement, they turns their beggarly backs and laughs 

 in my face. Only I couldn't afford it, mind me, I'd ha' set to and 

 kicked 'em !" Begged him to afford me further particulars. " Why, 

 to tell you the truth, master," said Mat, " I thought I'd made my 

 fortin but my inwention's all smoke, it seems other people in- 

 wented the same thought years ago. I found the way to make a 

 shilling bottle o' blacking for two pence winegar included : but the 

 blacking-makers calls that extrawagant, and says a shilling's worth, 

 bottle and all, only costs 'em five farthings or helse how should I 

 think they could live ?" 



Condoled with Mat on his misfortune, and inquired for the queerest 

 coachman. Mat said that Walham Jem was the rummest kiddy on 

 the road, barring Duck-nosed Dick. <( But the latter warment," 

 added Mat, ' ' arn't so conwersible : that's Jem a coming up he with 

 the blue muzzle and white hat, what looks so wicked him there 

 what's all clothes and hands barring his face. I had occasion to tip 

 him a dig in the ogle t'other day, and you see, master, he han't struck 

 my colours yet." 



Jem now approached " Fulham, sir/' said he ; "a box wacant." 

 Agreed to ride by his side, and in rather more than ten minutes we 

 started. Over the stones conversation was out of the question, but 

 the moment we got on the road we had " a talk" to the following 

 effect. 



" Bad black eye that of yours, Jem how did you get it ?" 



" I was trying to wink, sir." 



" Your near horse is lame in the off fore- foot, Jem ?" 



tf High grand-actioned horse that ! Lamed himself last night by 

 striking his toe against his upper teeth. Been a charger !" 



" The other's lame too " 



" Yes : he trod upon a frog poor thing !" 



te How he whistles !" 



" Ah 1 he's unwaluable, sir. Got a thrush in each foot." 



" What time will you reach Fulham ?" 



" I shall draw the boot of my wehecle on the foot of the bridge 

 precisely at eleven." 



" Why, you're a punster, I perceive !" 



M. No. M.89. 3N 



