522 THE WALK AM WAG. 



" No j I'm a Chelseaman birth, parentage, and education." 



" Write a good hand ?" 



<e Not at all I was born a pen-shunner close by the college: but 

 for all that I can make my mark to a receipt for any amount. Twig 

 this here old gentleman ' Fulham, sir ?' I only says that to plague 

 him. He's a rear-admiral. Rear indeed, and can't ride a rocking- 

 horse ! He won't travel with me ?" 



" How have you offended him ?" 



ft Why one night when we got to his door, being a mighty uppish 

 sort of a cove, he wouldn't lean on my arm ; which the step was 

 broken, and down he fell flat under the porch. c Why, admiral,' 

 says I, ' you've struck your flag !' ' 



" So you lost your passenger by your joke ?" 

 " Joke I can't see no ioke in it." 



no jok< 



" Then you don't know what a joke is." 



" Don't I ? Only look at this lady with the little boy in her arms 

 what's a coming now this is what I calls a joke. ' Beg your pardon, 



ma'am, there's the child's shoe on its foot !' Did you twig how 



flustrated she was and how she looked about her ; and how, when 

 I said 'on its foot/ she half-laughed, half-frowned, and went off 

 blushing, giggling, and biting her lip. I had a joke with Buckle 

 what keeps the Goat and Boots this morning. I made a little hole 

 in a horrindge, sucked all the juice out, and then blowed it up with 

 my breath so as to make it look quite nat'ral. Along comes Buckle 

 in a gig with his wife ; and just as we was a passing one another, I 

 tosses him this here make-believe horrindge. ' Thankye, Jem/ says 

 he, while it was a falling but when he cotched it in his whip-hand 

 and found it crumple up to nothing in his grasp Oh, crikey ! Here 

 he comes solus and sulky left his wife at Walham Green I reckon 

 won't speak I can see. ' Buckle Buckle (and Jem pointed to the 

 vacant seat in the gig as he spoke) why Buckle you've dropped 

 your tongue !' " 



" Now that's a very fair joke. Buckle himself turned round and 

 shook his first and grinned at you for it." 



f Well, I can't see nothing of a joke in it for my part. I wish I 

 knovved exactly what a joke was. Then I shouldn't lose no pas- 

 sengers nor yet get laughed at so often. Now there was t'other 

 day, Mr. Coggan says to Blanch no, Mr. Blanch says to Mr. Coggan, 

 ' Coggan/ says he, ' that there breed o' bantams I bought of you 

 don't answer they're all cocks.' ' Well, sir/ says I, ' there's one 

 comfort if you don't get no chickens you gets lots of crows.' With 

 that both of 'em set to and laughed at me quite disagreeable. Well, 

 presently Coggan says to Blanch, says he, ' It's all the same cocks or 

 hens for no fowls could thrive in such a hole of a hen-house as that 

 the water comes in from all quarters it's a regulur fishpond.' 

 ' That's true enough/ says I, ' for one day I saw a perch or two in it 

 myself.' Upon this they laughed at me worse than before; but 

 when they began to talk about Mr. Coggan's own poultry fine black 

 Spanish birds as ever was seen, with combs as big as beef steaks 

 and white ear-bags just like pillow cases, I made an obserwation 

 which they took up in such a way as put my pipe out completely. 



