374 THE STEAM EXCURSION. 



denly seized with the palsy ; and some tongues, which were placed on 

 dishes rather too large for them, were going through the most sur- 

 prising evolutions, darting from side to side and from end to end, 

 like a fly in an inverted wine-glass. Then the sweets shook and trem- 

 bled till it was quite impossible to help them, and people gave up the 

 attempt in despair ; and the pigeon-pies looked as if the birds, whose 

 legs were stuck outside, were trying to get them in. The table 

 vibrated and started like a feverish pulse, and the very legs were 

 slightly convulsed every thing was shaking and jarring. The 

 beams in the roof of the cabin seemed as if they were put there for 

 the sole purpose of giving people head-aches, and several elderly 

 gentlemen became ill-tempered in consequence. As fast as the 

 steward put the fire-irons up, they would fall down again ; and the 

 more the ladies and gentlemen tried to sit comfortably on their seats, 

 the more the seats seemed to slide away from the ladies and gentle- 

 men. Several ominous demands were made for small glasses of 

 brandy, the countenances of the company gradually underwent the 

 most extraordinary changes ; and one gentleman was observed sud- 

 nenly to rush from table without the slightest ostensible reason, and 

 dart up the steps with incredible swiftness, thereby greatly damaging 

 both himself and the steward, who happened to be coming down at 

 the same moment. 



The cloth was removed ; the desert was laid on the table, and the 

 glasses were filled. The motion of the boat increased ; several mem- 

 bers of the party began to feel rather vague and misty, and looked 

 as if they had only just got up. The young gentleman with the 

 spectacles who had been in a fluctuating state for some time one 

 moment jolly, and another dismal, like a revolving light on the sea- 

 coast rashly announced his wish to propose a toast. After several 

 ineffectual attempts to preserve his perpendicular, the young gentle- 

 man, having managed to hook himself to the centre leg of the table 

 with his left hand, proceeded as follows : 



" Ladies and Gentlemen. A gentleman is among us I may say a 

 stranger (here some painful thought seemed to strike the orator ; 

 he paused, and looked extremely odd) whose talents, whose travels, 

 whose cheerfulness " 



" I beg your pardon, Edkins," hastily interrupted Mr. Percy 

 Noakes. " Hardy, what's the matter ?" 



" Nothing," replied the ' funny gentleman/ who had just life 

 enough left to utter two consecutive syllables. 



" Will you have some brandy ?" 



" No," replied Hardy, in a tone of great indignation, and looking 

 about as comfortable as Temple Bar in a Scotch mist ; " what 

 should I want brandy for?" 



" Will you go on deck ?" 



" No, I will not." This was said with a most determined air, and 

 in a voice which might have been taken for an imitation of anything ; 

 it was quite as much like a guinea-pig as a bassoon. 



" I beg your pardon, Edkins," said the courteous Percy, " I 

 thought our friend was ill. Pray go on." 



A pause. 



