DRUNKENNESS. 



But, now having almost closed the gin-shop door with their legisla- 

 lation, let us see what moral remedies the select committee propose. 

 Here is the first : 



" 39. The establishment, by the joint aid of the government and the local 

 authorities, and residents on the spot, of public walks and gardens, or open 

 spaces for athletic and healthy exercises in the open air, in the immediate 

 vicinity of every town, of an extent and character adapted to its population, 

 and of district and parish libraries, museums, and reading rooms, accessible 

 at the lowest rate of charge, so as to admit of one or the other being visited 

 in any weather and at any time with the rigid exclusion of all intoxicating 

 drinks of every kind from all such places, whether in the open air or closed." 



A cunning device certainly. Public walks and gardens instead 

 of public-houses and gin-shops. Very sweet and rural, refreshing 

 also, and healthful ! Planted with pumps, at intervals, we should 

 presume to suggest. Or what if the public-houses be converted into 

 parish libraries, museums, and reading-rooms, with appropriate signs, 

 such as " The Bacon's Head," " The Newton Arms/' The Learned 

 Pig," and the like. But the walks delight us most. Instead of three 

 gos of gin, three goes round the garden not a stiff glass of whiskey- 

 punch, but a good stout walk not toddy, but toddle. And then the 

 consumption of tea and coffee at the reduced scale of duty ! We can 

 imagine the convivial results in this sprightly nation, tf I say, 

 Tomkins, I was a cup too low last night ; but that pekoe set me off, 

 you dog ! Precious fine stuff, that pekoe of yours !" Or, " How 

 much twankay did we drink last night ? upon my life, I forget all 

 about it we must have played the deuce with your canister." 



The following are the only remedies (so called) that approach with 

 any thing like legislative dignity to the point ; they alone, were they 

 once applied, would be found as effectual as human nature will 

 permit human wisdom to become ; the rest are the miserable contri- 

 vances of the moral-mongers of the Paley school : 



" The encouragement of Temperance Societies in every town and village 

 of the kingdom, the only bond of association being a voluntary engage- 

 ment to abstain from the use of ardent spirits as a customary drink ; and to 

 discourage, by precept arid example, all habits of intemperance in them- 

 selves and others. 



" 43. The removal of all Taxes on Knowledge, and the extending every 

 facility to the widest spread of useful knowledge to the humblest classes of 

 the community." 



As an evidence of the twaddling incapacity of the select com- 

 mittee, let us recommend the following : 



" 44. A national system of education which should ensure the means of 

 instruction to all ranks and classes of the people ; and which, in addition to 

 the various branches of requisite and appropriate knowledge, should em- 

 brace, as an essential part of the instruction given by it to every child in 

 the kingdom, accurate information as to the poisonous and invariably deleterious 

 nature of ardent spirits as an article of diet in any form or shape, $c" 



An essential part of the instruction, given under the national system, 

 to consist of <f accurate information as to the poisonous and invariably 

 deleterious nature of ardent spirits, &c." Are the children to be 

 taught by precept or example ? Reflect ! it is to be accurate in- 

 formation ! 



" A Jittle learning is a dangerous thing." 



