44 Tales of the Dead. [JuL Y, 



rally managed matters so well, that it has more than once been my lot to 

 finish on my own account an affair that I had begun on another's." 



" Ah, my good friend, serenading does not go down here. In France 

 there is but one way to a woman's heart ; gold here is a talisman that 

 works more miracles than all the melody of Metastasio." 



"In that case," replied the bandit with hauteur, " I shall enter the 

 service of the king of France. His majesty shall see in what style I can 

 handle a carbine and manoeuvre a battalion." 



" In the first place, you must know that his most Christian Majesty is 

 not so easily spoken with as an Italian captain of banditti. In the next, 

 handle the carbine with what skill you may, you will find your matches 

 here; there are 200,000 brave fellows in France, who are paid for that 

 work at the liberal rate of five sols per day." 



" Ah !" cried the brigand, knitting his brows. " What a vile country ! 

 that cannot even support a band of brave fellows with a bandit chief at 

 their head ! What an excellent cook they would find in me !" 



" Cook !" replied I ; " and pray what are your pretensions in that way ?" 



" Pardieu ! I would have you know that we lads of the stiletto do 

 not starve ourselves. I could serve you up a ragout such as any man 

 of taste would pronounce exquisite. When I was at Terracina I was 

 famous for a hare civet. If you could only ask Cardinal Fesch, Heaven 

 preserve his eminence 1 I recollect that one evening I was sent for to 

 prepare his supper, and his eminence swore by all the saints in the 

 calendar that even in his own palace he had never tasted any thing more 

 delicious." 



Hereupon I addressed the bandit in a solemn tone. " I congratulate 

 you," said I, " your destiny is in your own hands ; your skill as a cook 

 will ensure you a better welcome in France than you could expect had 

 you the abilities of a general. Visit every house in Paris ; and when you 

 come to one that suits you, walk in boldly, announce your culinary 

 talents, prove yourself a cook, and you are at the head of affairs directly. 

 Your fortune is made ; adieu !" I forthwith quitted him, relieved from 

 all anxiety as to his future fate. 



Having thus terminated the narrative upon the effect of which I had 

 so largely calculated, I was inexpressibly mortified to observe the feeble 

 sensation which it seemed to produce. Not a murmur of approbation 

 disturbed the decorum of the audience ; not even a symptom of incre- 

 dulity or astonishment tickled the vanity of the narrator, or forced him 

 to resort to solemn asseveration to corroborate the truth of his wondrous 

 tale. In short it passed off as a matter of no interest, a threadbare fic- 

 tion, a dull romance, unworthy even the notice of a doubt or question. 

 I stood exactly in the situation of a wit who, having wasted a good thing 

 upon an obtuse-eared audience, feels himself under the necessity of 

 laughing at his own jest in order to preserve his character. The fact 

 was, that, like many a good story, mine would not bear repetition : it 

 wore the semblance of truth only in the mouth of the hero himself. 

 Again were arguments showered upon me thick as hailstones : my ad- 

 versaries, relying on their numbers, pressed me hard, when just in the 

 moment of defeat an unexpected ally stepped forward to my relief. 



This new auxiliary was a venerable long-bearded Mussulman. Slowly 

 raising his head from one of the cushions of the sofa on which he had 

 reclined with listless unconcern, and taking up the conversation at the 

 precise point where I had discontinued it, " I can easily imagine," 



