1830.] Recollections of a Valetudinarian. 33 



version. The quantity of linen, the full dress-coats and undress waist- 

 coats, the India handkerchiefs and silk stockings, were all of them ob- 

 jects of delight to me and grumbling to him. To be sure he had to pay 

 the bill, which might have induced him to draw melancholy compari- 

 sons between the good old times when he went to sea and the luxuries 

 that were then required. He would hold up my silk stockings between 

 his finger and thumb with the greatest contempt, declaring that he never 

 had but six checked shirts and two white ones with frills ; and as to 

 pocket-handkerchiefs, he never heard of midshipmen using any thing 

 but a piece of oakum. What would he have said had he been alive now, 

 good old gentleman, and seen all the elegancies which the " march of 

 intellect" has introduced into our profession, and all the gold lace with 

 which it has pleased the powers that be to bedizen us ? 



My consequential airs materially diminished as I approached my ship, 

 and my chivalrous feelings considerably abated when I found myself 

 again imprisoned in my canvas-den. My messmates had all rejoined, 

 and it was determined among us to have one good dinner on shore 

 before we sailed ; accordingly a splendid entertainment was prepared at 

 one of the principal hotels in Chatham, which had such an unfortunate 

 termination that I shall never forget it. 



Our party consisted of five, including our caterer, who was to take 

 care of us, and prevent our getting into mischief; but on shore this 

 worthy man was a greater boy than any of us. We had a most splendid 

 dinner, and plenty of every sort of wine, so that we were in high spirits, 

 and did not think of returning on board till near midnight, when we 

 set out for that purpose " flush'd with the Tuscan grape and high in 

 blood," and particularly disposed to have a row with any body. In 

 this state, the devil or some of his agents put it into the head of one of 

 our party to assault the watchman's dog with his horse- whip, which was 

 the next worse thing to attacking that functionary himself. I do not 

 know how or why it is, but at all the sea-port towns there is a constant 

 petty warfare carried on between his majesty's civil and naval officers. 

 Midshipmen always consider watchmen, dockyardmen, and custom- 

 house officers as their legitimate foes, especially when they are drunk. 

 On this occasion the man seemed inclined to convince us of the propriety 

 of the old proverb, " Love me, love my dog," and immediately com- 

 menced hostilities by seizing one of our companions by the collar. This 

 produced a general engagement ; the watchman sprung his rattle, and 

 all the guardians of the night were up in arms in a moment. As we 

 had nothing but sticks and dirks to defend ourselves, we were soon over- 

 powered, notwithstanding our Irish caterer showed the pugnacity of his 

 country, and, placing his back against the rails of an area, most vigor- 

 ously defended himself, breaking the head of one watchman, and wound- 

 ing another. At last even he was overcome, and our general being dis- 

 armed and vanquished, we were obliged to submit to being carefully 

 lodged in the watch-house, where we were left to our own reflections. 



We found several of our brother officers from different ships in the 

 same situation as ourselves. The watchmen seemed to have been pe- 

 culiarly fortunate in their skirmishes that night, having made so many 

 prisoners, that we were nearly as closely packed as if we had been in the 

 black-hole at Calcutta. I never recollect passing such a night, for every 

 body was drunk except myself; and sobriety, like virtue, must be its 

 own reward on such occasions I would have given a great deal to have 



M. M. New Series. VOL. X. No. 55. E 



