

MISADVENTURES OF A LOVER. 1 67 



verb says, would have been sufficient to make a butcher's dog run the 

 country. 



In answer to the exclamation, " What's the matter ?" so hastily 

 and unanimously made, Miss C. D. protested thatl was either going to 

 ravish or murder her perhaps both. Murder her some unprincipled 

 man might ; but ravish her ! she might warrant herself beyond all 

 danger of that. " Take him into custody ! Take him into custody !" 

 shouted one and all of the six ruffian intruders* I declared most 

 vehemently my innocence ; swore by all that was good in the universe, 

 that nothing in the world could have been further from my intention 

 than the perpetration of either of the crimes imputed to me. 



" What, then, brought you here ? And what was the cause of the 

 assault on this old woman?" interrogated one of the notable block- 

 heads. 

 I was silent, and looked, I havebeen since informed, remarkably stupid. 



" Come, Sir, answer; otherwise we hand you over to the authori- 

 ties," said one Old-Bailey-looking idiot. 



" Sir Gentlemen Sir Gentlemen," I was stammering out, not 

 having the most distant conception of what I was going to say, when, 

 observing that the door was fortunately open, I bolted out of the 

 apartment, rushed down-stairs, and getting to the street bounded 

 away with a rapidity to which the heels of few men would be equal. 



I got home, packed up my things, cleared scores with my landlady, 

 and ere a couple of hours procured new lodgings. I was afraid of 

 further annoyances if I vegetated any longer at No. $3, Fetter Lane. 



I will not attempt to describe my feelings at the issue of this ad- 

 venture. During the whole of that night I was in the dark as to the 

 business* Next day I made enquiries indirectly as to the mysterious 

 affair, when I learned that the half dozen scoundrels who rushed into 

 the room immediately on my embracing rny Dulcinea, had on seeing 

 my advertisement in the Herald entered into a conspiracy together 

 to hoax the " wight," as the numskills had the audacity to call me, 

 that one of the six who had a sister a lady, I suppose, she would 

 call herself as unprincipled as himself, got her to write to his dicta- 

 tion ; that they had let the simpering would-be-smart servant maid 

 into their villanous secret; and that the old female, a simple char- 

 woman (wholly ignorant of the diabolical plot) had been instructed 

 by the aforesaid imp of a menial to go at that particular moment 

 into the apartment into which I had been ushered, and fetch some 

 article which she pretended to want. 



I will advertise no more. I have made up my mind to retire to 

 some secluded spot, some " boundless contiguity of shade," if it can 

 be had, where I will never more, or at least but seldom, see unmarried 

 women. I had once before been of opinion, although afterwards 

 simple enough to change it> that Fate had ordained I should never 

 taste of the pleasures of matrimony. I have re-adopted my former 

 opinion, and so firmly am I now convinced that all and every attempt 

 at forming a matrimonial alliance would issue so unfortunately as to 

 hold me up anew to the ridicule of the world ; so convinced, I say, 

 am I now of this, that all the logic in the world would not expel the 

 persuasion from my mind. J. G. 



