338 THB MAN OF TWO LIVES. 



" Goodness, Samuel, you never looked better, considering.'* 



" And look you here," cried the barber, " I say I wish I was dead/' 

 and he winked still more knowingly. 



"Why, Singer 



" Why, Mrs. Singe," pursued the enigmatic shaver, " shouldn't I 

 be buried gratis by the Benefit Society ? Wouldn't they give you, my 

 widow, ten pounds ? Wouldn't they raise a subscription for you ? 

 and shouldn't we then be able to get up to London ? eh ! " 



" We.!" cried" Kezia, with a stare. "God bless the man! he's 

 mad. Why, you'd be in your grave." 



" No, no, not 7, not /," exclaimed Singe, poking the end of his 

 pipe towards his wife ; " another something else. I'll tell you how 

 it is, Mrs. Singe/' he continued, in a solemn tone, " these Gravelstone 

 folks have used me very, very ill, and I will have something out of 

 them before I go I will. I mean to feign myself dead make be- 

 lieve, you see. You shall get the ten pounds and a subscription raised, 

 and we'll be off to London, change the name of Singe, open shop, 

 get rich, and die happy." 



"Well, I never heard the like of that before." And the good 

 woman indulged in a burst of unusual merriment. " Sam, you've 

 been drinking you know you have don't shake your head, I'm cer- 

 tain of it but mercy, man, how should I be able to do my part? I 

 couldn't squeeze out a single tear." 



" As others do," cried Singe, with a bitter grin, " who have less 

 cause to weep than you have just now. Put a peeled onion into your 

 handkerchief, and pinch your nose well before you go out, to make 

 it look red." 



"Lord! Singe, how queer!" cried the wife, scratching her left 

 ear ; but how would you manage ? " 



" Leave that to me," cried the barber, with dignity, waving his 

 hand. " Did I ever fail in any thing I undertook? Did I not al- 

 ways succeed till that fellow yonder, that Frizzle (curse the fellow's 

 name), sneaked into the town ? Listen!" 



Here a long conversation ensued, carried on in cautious whispers, 

 which it is not politic that the reader should overhear ; and some 

 time on the wrong side of midnight the scheming couple betook them- 

 selves to rest. 



On the following morning the barber and his wife despatched their 

 frugal meal with an unaccustomed haste, which, for greater privacy, 

 was enjoyed in the small back room, a nervous anxiety pervading 

 each visage during the refection, which betrayed that some mighty 

 and important work was on foot, demanding not only uncommon tact 

 and skill, but extraordinary firmness and presence of mind. 



" Kezia, my dear/' said Singe, "before you go to Slash, just put 

 down to the fire my nightcap and long bedgown ; though I am going 

 to die of the cholera I don't wish to catch my death of cold ; and 

 mind, get out the gum and powder-blue, and don't forget the shaving- 

 glass in the shop." 



" La! Samuel, I am so flustered, you don't know/' cried Kezia, as 

 she returned with the required articles and placed them upon the 

 table ; " I am certain I shall be discovered." 



