1828.] The Major and Myself. 23 



simile figure, with a sort of " ingenui vultus puer" comment, and break 

 out with, " Egad, Jack, we must contrive something for you ;" at 

 which period I made interest for the supplies ; but all serious debate 

 was inevitably interrupted at its outset by some cursed mischance or 

 another. 



For my own part, my avocations partook equally of the sublime and 

 the ridiculous. I hated mediums. I drank largely of Burton ale and 

 metaphysics ; at one moment, pouring over the philosopher of Malmes- 

 bury j at another, snoring over the details of a prosing incurable, twad- 

 dling behind a long and pallid pipe, with an asthma and eternity of 

 tongue and no snuff-box ! 



My leisure begot aspirations after better things hopes and yearnings 

 of the soul, which I am almost sorry to have parted withal. I fell in 

 love at the theatre with a married woman, and looked like the " Last 

 Man" for three days ; during which I read Rousseau and Werter. I 

 became a connoisseur in milliner's girls, and took to small poetry and 

 the columns of the Morning Post ; nay, I might have written a tragedy, 

 but for the difficulty of disposing of some of the unoffending interlocu- 

 tors in the last act; unless by causing one of the characters to take 

 offence at a trifle, and so give occasion for the promiscuous slaughter of 

 the rest. 



In the meantime I waxed melancholy, and took to crossing of arms 

 and legs opined that my talents were overlooked and felt convinced 

 that their diminutive extent was not the cause. I grew selfish and dis- 

 agreeable, quarrelled with my landlady, and cut myself vilely in shaving. 

 Then I succeeded in walking in my sleep, till I perineated a sky-light, 

 and scared the maid-servant into hysterics, and the cat into the copper. 

 Assuredly, I was in a pitiable state, and looked out, above all things, for 

 the approach of death. 



And now the Major was about to leave England, for India, with his 

 regiment, once more. Any preference of his native land had long since 

 been buried a ceremony of interment, at which his lady had officiated 

 as sexton and my prospects alone occupied the intervening space. 



We discoursed at large upon this topic the evening before his de- 

 parture. 



" What do you think of the law ?" I inquired. 



" As of a gown and wig, which, in defiance of the proverb, you may 

 keep for seven years without having any occasion for ; unless you should, 

 perchance, be employed to adjust the ownership of a mad dog at Clerk- 

 enwell sessions, and so forth." 



" What say you to the army ?" 



" No, to that." . 



" Marriage with an heiress, or a rich widow ?" and I tipped a very 

 sagacious wink. 



" Ha, ha, ha, ha ah !" replied the Major, the final note thrilling like 

 a passing bell ; and, again, " Ha-^-ha ah !" and straight he resorted 

 to mandarin-like movements of the head, rockings of the chair, and 

 extractions of the watch ; but he answered never a word. 



" No, Jack," said the Major, musing, " I'll speak about you to some 

 of my friends before I go ; they'll do something for you, never fear j we 

 shall manage, never fear. But it grows late." 



I rose to go : he took the candle, and followed me down stairs. It was 



