22 The Major and Myself. [JAN. 



other was a mere fat occupier of space, who never spoke at alL But what 

 particularly enraged me was, that these unintelligible words caused a 

 violent laughter to distend the midriff of this fat one ; but it was alto- 

 gether a noiseless effort save a finely-attenuated wheeze that, at inter- 

 vals, escaped from its pectoral prison. They were not fits of laughter, 

 but lethargies, during which he lay in a trance. But soon these went 

 away, and left me to myself. 



During this interval of solitude, my mind underwent wonderful alterna- 

 tions of feeling, which ended in comparative tranquillity. I became 

 cheerful and composed imagined castles in the air, and countenances in 

 the fire 



" The ghastly colour from my lips was fled ;" 



and, in short, I was, to all intents and purposes, but my creditors, quite 

 another man ; so that, when my uncle came gasping in, about midnight, 

 with a look like Jeremiah, and told me that all indeed was lost, I contrived 

 to demean myself with decent resignation. 



As for the Major, he worked his inside out, like a spider, to very little 

 purpose. Seated before the fire, with his legs upraised upon the hob, and 

 brandishing the poker, which he occasionally plunged between the bars, 

 he expounded his private views upon the question. 



" The villainous embezzler," quoth he, " set a heap of books before 

 me, of which I could make neither head nor tail ; and took me up stairs 

 to see his starving wife and eleven ' little ones !' a superhumanly 

 immense brood ! each of whom, as I entered, flew off to another region. 

 The wife pretty but he a knave !" And thus he went on and on, till 

 the candles fell into convulsions in the sockets, and the curious stare of 

 the aye-yawning waiter reminded us of bed. 



Here, between a pair of wonderfully wet sheets, I rheumatized till 

 morning, when I 



" rose, like an exhalation," 



from my vapoury couch, and met the Major in the coffee-room, restored* 

 by his night's rest, to his habitual good spirits. 



We entered at once into a long conference touching future arrange- 

 ments, when it was decided that I should remain in town the Major 

 vowing to exert his interest with his lady to permit my domestication 

 under their London roof. In the meantime, he furnished me with a sum 

 of money, and we parted he to his own home, and I into the wide wil- 

 derssne of streets, in quest of lodging, which I procured. 



To a young man just entering life, adversity is the pleasantest thing 

 imaginable for a short time : there is just enough of romance in the 

 situations to render them interesting. We console ourselves with the 

 " precious jewel in the head," and find out the precious value of the 

 heels in a brief period. " No prospect !" says Reason ; " No matter !" 

 says Sentiment. " Facilis descensus Averni !" and some enjoy an alacrity 

 in sinking. 



The Major and I now met less and less frequently. I have good reason 

 to suspect that his domestic roof wanted repair or, at least, he seldom 

 made a segment of the family circle. He chiefly spent his time between 

 his club and the Opera ; and when he, by chance, stumbled upon me at 

 the play or in the park, our conversation took a strangely general turn. 

 Now and then, indeed, would he cast his eye mournfully upon my /ac- 



