20 The Major and Myself. [JAN. 



argal, I was constrained to sneak off pacified, in a measure, by observ- 

 ing a bank-note pendent from my fingers ; and, stepping into the post- 

 chaise, drove back again with even more speed than I came. 



At college, I must confess, I derived great advantage from a perusal 

 and diligent study of the ancients, and, upon the whole, tender my filial 

 affection to Alma- Mater with a lively gratitude ; but a greedy reception 

 of certain philosophical dogmas, or a too implicit reliance upon them, 

 did go far to dislodge that solid substratum of reason which should have 

 lain over the too ductile imagination. Thus, by pursuing and adopting 

 the visionary theory of Bishop Berkeley, I certainly vindicated my claim 

 to the title of a lad of spirit ; and, while I believed that " nothing is but 

 what is not," forgot strait-waistcoats, and a monosyllabic keeper. I 

 never cared to ask, because I suppose there were none to answer' 



" An me ludit amabilte 

 Iiisania ?" 



and, in consequence, the wings of my imagination began to indulge in 

 extraordinary flights flights which quite carried away my head with 

 them. Indeed, it was a physiological problem, whether I had not now 

 become total head and wings ; like a carved cherub over a grave-stone 

 all pinions and pericarnium ! 



But, just in time to avert the entire defection of my understanding, 

 the Major appeared one morning before me ; and, without much cere- 

 mony, explained in few words, thus 



" Jack, we must go to town together. You'll not have a farthing to 

 bless yourself with or me ; for that rascally agent !" I scratched my 

 head ruefully. 



" You are to learn, Jack, I did not marry for money. No," observ- 

 ing my incredulous grin, " no ! that's all settled upon her." I grinned 

 not. " It was not my wish to step into the property ; but to vault into 

 her affections, Jack to hop into her good opinion. Now the agent, in 

 whose hands my property lay, has failed. What the devil's to be done ?" 

 Here was an announcement ! I felt my fortitude hurrying away with 

 my reason, at the rate of ten faculties a minute, and sank upon a chair, 

 with a ghastly arrangement of mouth, intended for the production of an 

 extended sound which, however, came not. 



" What the devil's to be done, I say ?" bellowed the Major. " Shall 

 we convict and hang the scoundrel for such he is ; and if not, why not ? 

 Eh ?" This emphatic " Eh ?" violently contracted as it was in length 

 of expression, roused me to a scene of acute mental anguish j but I was 

 roused ; and, heaving up a prodigious groan, which relieved me, pre- 

 pared to counsel, and, all preliminaries arranged, to accompany my 

 ill-fated uncle. 



But the Major prepared to unlock those hidden gifts and graces of 

 philosophy, whereof not the possession, but even the enjoyment and 

 casual exercise, were previously unknown to me. Sooth to say, he did 

 in timely exordiums, 



<c un sphere 



The spirit of Plato," 



and discovered immortal things chewed in mental detail the bitter sweets 

 of adversity and touched and purified, with the tongue's fire, the loath- 

 some malefactions of the world. 



