PETER GOFF, THE MAN WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN. 191 



" Why, Colonel, I have no curiosity in the matter of a cold snap, 

 but I should like much to hear something of what they have been 

 talking yonder the man with his mouth open !" 



" Ahem !" said the Colonel, with a sly sort of look, " we have 

 some good gapers here in the neighbourhood. Now, there is Tom 

 Take-a-bite, he has got a mouth like an alligator ; but as to the real, 

 genuine man with his mouth open 'tis only now and then one can 

 get a peep at him." 



After some little coquetry on the part of the landlord, to enhance 

 the value of his narrative, I prevailed on him to sit down by the fire, 

 and begin, but it was in the most approved fashion of story-telling, 

 by a round affirmation of the truth of it: 



" 'Twas a strange affair that part of it about his mouth/' he com- 

 menced ; " many is the time I have laughed to think of it, though, 

 to be sure, 'tis no laughing matter for a man to have his mouth open, 

 and not be able to shut it. But it is just as true as I sit here. Some 

 folks make more of it in telling the story, but it's founded on fact, as 

 people say that write novels and such like. Well, this Peter Goff, 

 you see, was an odd chap, one of the oddest of all flesh ; he would 

 read his Bible upside downwards, just to be different from other 

 folks. We paint our houses white, and Peter painted his house 

 black, with red borders to the windows ha ! ha ! such a sight ! it 

 looked for all the world like a nigger with sore eyes ! But it's all 

 of another colour now, because Jerry Jones, one of Peter's creditors, 

 who took possession the time that Peter went off in the fog, had it 

 new painted, out of a neighbourly kindness to the deacon, for the 

 deacon's wife used to have a regular fit of the hypochondriacs 

 every time she went by ; but the old woman never liked Peter, 

 because he was so much given to laughing. ( What's that to 

 you!' Peter used to say, ' I've a genius for it; every man has a 

 genius for something, and I have a genius for laughing !" Sure 

 enough so he had, if a body might judge by his looks, for he had a 

 mouth big enough to take in half a cheese ; but it was the ruin of 

 Peter. Let all men take care of their mouths but that is neither 

 here nor there. Peter got into a sort of baddish way he worked 

 less and drank more. We gave him nothing but good advice, the 

 deacon and I, hoping that he would lay it to heart. We talked to 

 him in a fatherly way like ; so did every body else. Pooh ! what did 

 he care for it ; ; twas just like throwing apples into a bag without a 

 bottom. Peter went on neglecting his farm ; 'twould have made any 

 man's heart grieve to see what a fine piece of land there was all 

 going to destruction, and all for want of a good take-heed. As for 

 Peter, he used to pass whole days idling and frolicking, and turning 

 up jack, and laughing as loud as ever. Every body swore he would 

 come to no good, because his concarn was all wearing out and there 

 was no money coming in. But the more his affairs went to ruin the 

 louder Peter laughed ! There was no knowing what possessed the 

 creature to laugh so much. His mouth, as I told you, was as wide 

 as an oven, and when he set up a haw ! haw ! it was like the roar of 

 a buffalo. The deacon and all of them took a great scandal at it, and 

 quoted scripture, prophesying that Peter would come to a morsel of 



