192 PETER GOFF, THE MAN WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN. 



bread. But Peter said he hoped he should never come to worse, and 

 then went on laughing and getting in debt till he had got through his 

 cash and mortgaged his whole estate, so that it was as clear as 

 preaching he must go to the dogs. Finally, the deacon undertook 

 to give him a desperate sort of a lecture by way of a last trial ; so he 

 called upon him one Saturday evening ' Peter/ says he, ' you are 

 little better than one of the wicked.' ' Have you any objection?' 

 says Peter. ' Ah, Peter/ says the deacon, ' if you don't give over 

 laughing, Old Nick will make you grin on the other side of your 

 mouth.' ( Laugh and be fat/ says Peter. ' Not of a Saturday 

 night/ says the deacon. c May Old Nick scratch my jaws/ says 

 Peter, ' but I am going to a frolic to-night, and I'll laugh a good 

 stick if I laugh my everlasting one.' The deacon went away quite 

 scared to see Peter so hardened, as he paid, for the creature was 

 determined to have it out; and it happened that very night." 



" What happened ?" 



" Peter's catastrophe. It was a terrible cold night, and they sat 

 over a rousing fire, drinking hot punch, and flip, and sangaree, and 

 what not, and laughing, and singing, and roaring, and making such 

 a halliballoo. Hark ! isn't that my wife ?" 



" What ?" 



e: That voice I hear calling ? No never mind it's only the 

 deacon's pig got stuck in the gateway. Well, they went on drinking 

 and making a tantarra that disturbed the whole neighbourhood. ' I 

 wish,' says Peter, e that the deacon was here to hear us/ Ha ! ha ! 

 ha! ha! ha! hickup ! hick! hick! The clock struck midnight just 

 at that moment! Hick ! hick ! hick! went Peter; and what do you 

 think ? he was in the midst of one of his most uproarious laughs, and 

 had stretched his jaws wider than he was ever known to do before ; 

 and when he had laughed a regular peal that lasted a quarter of an 

 hour, he tried to shut his mouth but could not ! Strange enough, 

 you'll say ; but that is the fact. Hick ! hick ! hick ! he went on. 

 ' That's a long laugh/ said the other fellows. ( Hick ! hick ! hick !' 

 says Peter. ' Stop, and let me take my turn,' says one. ' Hick ! 

 hick !' says Peter. ' You'll strain your lungs/ says another. ' Hick !' 

 says Peter. Finally, he stood still gaping as wide as a barn-door. 

 ' Shut your mouth/ said they. But, Lord ! he could not shut it to 

 save him from going to the Old Harry ! And how it happened 

 whether he had stretched his jaw-bones out of joint, and got them off 

 the hinges; or whether it was a sort of witchcraft and judgment 

 upon him, I don't pretend to say ; but there he stood stiff as starch. 

 Peter's companions thought him bewitched, so they took to their 

 heels and ran off, frightened out of their wits. Peter was in a sad 

 pickle ; he tried to call for help, but how the dogs can a man 

 speak without the use of his jaws? Well, after trying a long while, 

 and finding he made no more noise than a mouse in a cheese, he gave 

 it up for bad coffee. What could he do for himself? Nothing so 

 he mounted his horse, and set out to go for Dr. Drybones. It was 

 one o'clock in the morning when he got to his house. Now the 

 doctor was a mighty fretful, touchy, worrisome sort of a man, a 

 good deal troubled with the hypo, and nervous complaints. He had 



