PETER GOFF, THE MAN WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN. 195 



both were as dumb as haddocks. Tim waited for Peter to speak, 

 and Peter waited for Tim to do the same. Tim wondered why Peter 

 did not dismount, but Peter sat stiffas as ever. Tim wondered that 

 Peter did not move, and Peter wondered ditto at Tim so they took 

 it out in staring. After a long while came out Simon Stumper, the 

 stable-boy ; but here was another crook in the lot. Simon stuttered, 

 like a cat a-choking, so that he was little better off than Tim. I'm 

 blessed if they did not find it awkward enough. Simon was struck 

 all of a heap when he saw the two figures throwing silent looks at 

 one another, like the compliments between the cow and the haystack. 

 It was a long time before he found the use of his tongue ; but by- 

 and-by he stammered our, ' Wha wha wha wha wha wha 

 wha t's the ma ma ma ma mat mat matter?' And what 

 said they ? why just nothing at all. Then Simon began to stare at 

 Peter, and says he, ' But but but but who are you?'. Peter 

 gave a sort of a wink-like, but could not move his jaws. ' But 

 but but but who the de de de de de devil are you ?" says 

 Simon, but Peter said nothing in reply. Whatever he thought is 

 nothing at all to the purpose. Peter sat stiff, Tim stared, and Simon 

 stuttered: but in the end, finding that Peter kept up such a horrible 

 gaping, Simon concluded he was making mouths at him, so catching 

 up a stick of wood, he let drive at him such a lick, that if it had hit 

 him 'twould have smashed in his front teeth, I guess. Peter's horse 

 took a start, and away he went. 



" Well, Peter was off, as I said, and gallopped a pretty considerable 

 pace along the road. It was Sunday, you know ; by-and-by the 

 bells rung, and he found the people were going to meeting. The first 

 man he met was Billy Dough-head, the new parson, who was to 

 preach his first sermon that day. Billy had been sent to study divi- 

 nity, because his friends found he was .good for nothing else, and they 

 were sure he would make a capital preacher ! They say he was a little 

 sert of bashful at the thoughts of mounting the pulpit, and made a 

 first trial by going into the garden and preaching to the cabbage- 

 heads. But as Billy was plodding along, mighty solemn and minister- 

 like, he lifted up his eyes, and behold ! Peter came thundering along 

 the road, all a-gape as before. Billy was thrown into a horrible con- 

 sternation, not being particularly powerful in the nerves. He took 

 him for one of Belzebub's light dragoons, on a scout up and down 

 after stray sinners. He dropped his sermon, took to flight, and 

 scampered off as fast as his legs could carry him, without once look- 

 ing back. The people collected at the meeting-house ; the bell kept 

 tolling and tolling, but nobody came to preach. In short, Billy got 

 home to his grandmother, and has never been seen in these parts 

 since. Peter put the parson to flight, but that was no fault of his, 

 for it was not yet warm enough to thaw him off; so he kept on. It 

 was not long before he was spied by old Solomon Screech, the 

 tything-man. ' Aha !' says Sol, ' a fellow travelling Sunday ! I'll 

 put a stop to his peregrination ;' so out he sallied to intercept him, 

 and sung out to Peter as he drew near, " Soho ! Soho ! you wicked 

 sinner ! how dare you travel on the Sabbath ? Stop ! stop ! or I 

 arrest you in the name of the commonwealth !' 



