PORTRAIT-GALLERY OF OLD BACHELORS. 357 



strong contrast to the absent spouse, to wile away an hour at back- 

 gammon or piquet with the solitary wife. Or does the obstinate 

 fellow refuse to attend her to the theatre or concert, he is sure to 

 drop in just in the nick of time to proffer his services. Or has a 

 wedded friend a sick child, he is constant in his visits and sympa- 

 thies : or is she convalescent from illness, he serves the purpose of a 

 Dutch-oven in her room, warming gruel or tea, or toasting bread, or 

 sopping biscuit in wine, or giving her physic, or holding a smelling- 

 bottle to her nose, or threading her needle, or serving as a silk- 

 holder or cotton-winder, or doing a hundred other little services 

 whilst the nurse is asleep, and the indifferent husband either quietly 

 reading the newspaper and sipping his brandy-and-water, or dis- 

 puting with a friend on politics or trade. 



Nor is it on these occasions only the amorous old bachelor shows 

 his devotion to the sex. Is a party given, who but he is prime 

 counsellor and assistant to the mistress of the feast ; for he is deeply 

 learned in the mysteries of china-closets, tea-equipages, wine- 

 decanters, and wax-candles happy man ! he may be seen in close 

 conference in drawing-room, dining-room, sitting-room, parlour, 

 spare bed-room, and store-room ; and who knows what " favours 

 sweet and precious" he thus earns from "ringed" beauties: well, he 

 certainly deserves something ; but he is nevertheless a most correct 

 gentleman. 



But it is amongst the widows that Mr. Tickler shines most re- 

 splendently. Give and take is the order of the day ; and the 

 cunning and experienced darnes use him as a whetstone for their 

 passions and propensities; whilst he, being kept upon the qui vive, 

 exhibits all his points in their best and most striking order. Alike 

 free from the bashful timidity of the girl, the matronly scruples of 

 the wife, and the frigidity or cautious terror of the old maid, the 

 widow puts him upon the rack of her amorous ingenuity, to 

 extract from him some determined advance. Here is Mrs. Shackle, 

 a widow of six months' standing, reclining luxuriously on a sofa ; 

 thinking, doubtless, of "joys now dead, of sweetness fled:" and 

 here comes the magnanimous bachelor, for truly he must be a bold 

 man who will venture on a widow in this situation, unless he has 

 made up his mind to some decisive step. Here however he comes 

 in tights, silk stockings, and pumps, and looking as killing as pos- 

 sible. His hair is arranged a V Antony, his cravat without stain or 

 wrinkle, his whiskers newly dyed, an extra new tooth, and " smell- 

 ing as sweet as any gentlewoman." He throws an air of vigor and 

 elasticity into his steps, and, marching boldly up to the smiling 

 beauty, places his hand on his heart, and declares himself her slave, 

 a feat we would not undertake for a thousand pounds. 



" Hah, Mr. Tickler ! very happy to see you ; but you are a dan- 

 gerous man to admit to one's retirement; a sad man, Mr. Tickler; 

 a sad man ! " 



" 'Pon honour, my dear widow, you do me injustice ; I am a 

 perfect lamb, I assure you; never injured man, woman, or child in 

 my life." 



