PORTRAIT-GALLERY OF OLD BACHELORS. 473 



And faithfully direct her nail 



To squeeze it out from head to tail.' 



Hah ! hah ! beautiful creature ! just fancy the prettiest woman 

 of your acquaintance sitting up in bed on a bright summer's morn- 

 ing, in a grimy night-cap, her hair in greasy curl-papers, and 

 invoking Cupid to her sweet embraces fancy that, I say, and then 

 talk of beauty. I tell you, woman in her natural character is a 

 filthy animal: I wouldn't touch one with a pair of tongs; she is 

 enough to make a dog sick it 's all dress, paint, and affectation : so 

 much for your beauty." 



" Painted, old crusty! painted indeed, I grant, but painted 



' By the same hand which throws 

 Its brilliant colours on the blushing rose.' 



You do well, however, to quote your prototype Swift, and to 

 indulge your dirty imagination, by committing to heart his nauseous 

 writings : a splendid example you have set yourself truly a man 

 without one particle of just or generous feelings ; witness his treat- 

 ment of Miss Johnson and Miss Vanhomrigh." 



" And I tell you that Swift was a patriot and a poet of the most 

 lofty and most admirable order of genius ; noble in his sentiments, 

 just in his perception of right and wrong, and an honour to his 

 species and to his country ; and more than that, that he had a heart 

 attuned to the finest sensibilities ; and that his treatment of Stella 

 and Vanessa was just what they deserved, and originated in his 

 delicacy and refinement; and, farther, that what you stupidly term 

 his nauseous writings are the most indisputable proofs of refined 

 taste." 



" A likely story how do you make that out? " 



" Make it out ? why, it 's as clear as noon-day : did not both the 

 hussies throw themselves in his way, and perpetually make the most 

 scandalous advances, actually pestering him, unasked, to marry 

 them ? and thus, by throwing off the artful disguises which lure men 

 to their destruction, they impudently exposed their natural colours. 

 Well might he be disgusted ; and this barefaced exhibition of them- 

 selves is the very reason why he was enabled so correctly and 

 faithfully to delineate some of woman's amiable peculiarities : as to 

 his complimentary verses, why, the unfortunate man was forced to be 

 civil to escape from their talons ; and his subsequent marriage to 

 Miss Johnson was but a desperate effort to reconcile himself to his 

 fate, and save himself from her importunities. But his resolution 

 palled, Sir : he could not overcome his fastidiousness ; he shrunk from 

 closer familiarity, and she lived a maiden wife. Sir, I honour Swift 

 for this, as it shews his sincerity, and his wish to do good at the 

 expense of his feelings. Curtius leaping into the gulf was but child's 

 play compared with Swift's marriage. " 



" Well, you have said your say, and I will not just now enter 

 into a dispute with you on that subject : suffice it to say, I differ 

 from you toto ccelo ; and while doing justice to his poetry and his 



