480 PORTRAIT-GALLERY OF OLD BACHELORS. 



enact the ridiculous ceremony in his presence ; because, as he argued, 

 she knew my way, and consequently must have calculated on my 

 saying something when we came in sight of old Trusty's grave. We 

 disagree with him in this conclusion, thinking it far more probable 

 that the lady thought better both of his head and his heart, than to 

 imagine he could select such a spot for his pleasantries. This was 

 her account ; and so deeply was she incensed, that the match went 

 entirely off, without any effort being made by either party to solder 

 the matter up. Charles was for many months laughed at heartily; 

 and various caricatures found their way to him of his remarkable 

 situation, some marked " the living and the dead husband," and 

 others with various mottoes very little flattering to his self-love. 



Many "love passages'' had Charles Placid subsequent to the 

 above-mentioned untoward affairs, for he had abundance of passion, 

 if his sensibility was but small. Still he contrived with great in- 

 genuity always to break his head against a wall of his own building ; 

 and then, to mend it, flew into a towering passion, because his 

 mistresses did not beckon him on again they ought, as he says in 

 his own vindication, to have known it was my way. His temper, 

 thus yielded to, acquired year after year more mastery ; and by the 

 time he was honoured with the title of old bachelor, he was a 

 pestilent fellow indeed : not that he was morose and sulky, but he 

 was for ever breaking out into sallies of anger for the most trivial 

 and accidental occurrences, and marring his own comfort and that of 

 others. At this period, too, he took it into his head that he had 

 been a great fool for having cared about the women, and raved and 

 ranted against them with wonderful vehemence. The idea of mar- 

 riage became all at once hateful to him, " Marry !" he would 

 exclaim, 



" ' Marry ! 



When I am old and weary of the world 

 I may grow desperate, 

 And take a wife to mortify withal.* 



A wife ! pah ! 



' Who loves to hear of wife 

 That dull insipid thing without desires, 

 And without power to give them ? ' 



He abandoned the company of married men or rather drove 

 them from him by his incessant declamations against their con- 

 ditions ; never failing, when like sober men they rose to depart 

 from his table fit for home, to thunder in their ears, 



" What! hunt a wife 

 On the dull soil ? sure a staunch husband 

 Of all hounds is the dullest. Wilt thou never, 

 Never be wean'd from caudles and confections ? 

 What feminine tale hast thou to listen to 

 Of unair'd shirts, catarrhs, and toothache got 

 By thin-soled shoes?'" 



