THE GENTLEMAN USHER. 



IT was on the third of February., 1821,, that,, seduced by the puff 



of an advertisment, I set out for , in order to propose myself 



as a candidate for the place of senior assistant in Mr. B/s academy. 

 This was no time for pride ; so, forgetting the pedigree which has 

 long hung in letters of gold over my uncle's mantle-piece ; and, con- 

 sidering only the plebeian condition of my pocket, I slunk secretly 

 into an omnibus ; and after many stoppages, and many irruptions of 

 wretches cold and wet into the same narrow vehicle with myself, 

 I arrived, at the expense of half of my fortune, and all my temper, 

 within a quarter of a mile of the place of my destination. Here the 

 omnibus pulled up, and I had to cut my way, my liquidum iter, as 

 Virgil has it, ancle deep through the sea of mud that lay over an 

 open common in front of Mr. B/s house. The rain had increased 

 during my journey, and as I am not worth a great coat, I made as 

 much haste as circumstances would permit. But, as my friend, the 

 ex-member for Preston, has acutely observed, " more haste, worse 

 speed ;" and so it prov ed with me. In my hurry, I lost my shoe j 

 in recovering my shoe I lost my hat, and in recovering my hat, I lost 

 my balance. For a while, I stood with one leg in the air, waving 

 and quivering like an Irish scarecrow in a high wind, arid executing 

 the most ludicrous attitudes. This lasted but a moment, for my only 

 remaining stay slipping from under me, I was lowered with all the 

 deliberation, but without the dignity, of a dowager, into the softest 

 cushion in the world. 



A loud laugh from two or three of Mr. B/s pupils, who were 

 larking, as they called it that is, pelting each other with mud, 

 not many paces from where I was fitting, filled up the measure of my 

 chagrin. You will pay dearly for that joke, some of you, I muttered 

 to myself, as, having recovered my hat, I slowly rose from the 

 ground. Resolved, however, not to betray any symptoms of dis- 

 comfiture, I clapped my hat on my head without looking at it, and 

 whistling a sorry tune to shew my unconcern, marched, with all 

 the magnificence of an usher, straight up to Mr. B/s door. Unsub- 

 dued by misfortune, and true to the blood of the third Edward 

 which flows in my veins, I gave one of those thundering summonses 

 which none but the aristocracy and footmen are privileged to exe- 

 cute an effort of vanity which brought its own punishment ; for 

 the servant of the establishment, who was at that time engaged in 

 some sort of dirty work, naturally concluding that such an authora- 

 tative appeal could come from no other than the sixth cousin of 

 Lord B., whose nephew, as I afterwards learned, Mr. B. had 

 the honour of educating, I was compelled to wait in the rain, 

 till the said servant, washed, cleaned, and arrayed in a yellow 

 livery, thought himself decent enough, and sweet enough to admit 

 so distinguished a personage. I shall never forget the expression of 

 the fellow's face when he saw me. Indeed I must have looked not 



M. M. No. 92. E 



