THE GENTLEMAN USHER. 21l 



master for the completion of the performance. With much move- 

 ment of legs and arms he motioned me to a chair. There was a 

 certain baggyness at the knees of his breeches, contracted from much 

 sitting, and a whiteness at the elbows of his coat, that marked the 

 nature of his profession ; but no single ray of intellect illuminated 

 the waste of his countenance. Every question, reply, and rejoinder, 

 in the dialogue which ensued, seemed to throw me farther from the 

 situation at which I was aiming; and it became evident, before the 

 end of our conference, that no one acquirement of which I was pos- 

 sessed, would be requisite in Mr. B's. intended assistant, and that all 

 which I had not were absolutely indispensable. I did not believe 

 without reservation in Dawes's miscellanea I had never learnt the 

 Propria quos maribus, nor ever heard of the grammar school at 

 Leeds ; and what was worse than all I could not undertake to carve 

 a leg of mutton for fifty hungry boys so as to satisfy all. But I had 

 been educated at Cambridge ; no matter, Mr. B. had taken an under- 

 line degree at Oxford. I had studied Porson, but Person was of 

 Cambridge ; and Herman " Pooh, he was a Dutchman." 



" Well, then," I exclaimed, not a little indignant at the contempt 

 manifested for my classical knowledge, " I have read Aristophanes, 

 Eschylus, Sophocles, Euripides, Aristotle, Plato, ." 



" No doubt, sir, no doubt/' said he, taking ungenerous advantage 

 of my pausing to recover my breath, " I dare say you have read all 

 these authors, and a great many more. Bat excuse me, esl modus in 

 rebus. There is a manner of doing things ; besides this is not the 

 sort of knowledge which I look for in my academy. My system, sir, 

 is an entirely new one, a mode not pursued in any school or univer- 

 sity but my own. It will be necessary that my seniaur assistant 

 should have devoted his time and attention almost exclusively to the 

 formation, sir, the derivation, and the radical foundation of nouns, 

 adjectives, and verbs." 



As this dictum was delivered from the head master of an academy 

 in a high-backed elbow chair, well furnished with pads and cushions, 

 to an expectant usher, wet and shivering, on a meagre cane-bottom, I 

 merely ventured to reply, that I thought knowledge of that kind, was 

 in some degree inculcated in every school in the kingdom. A smile 

 of odious condescension, that seemed to pity the ignorance he was 

 about to cover with confusion, was his only answer ; and rising from 

 his chair, like one who meditates mighty purposes,jhe rang the bell, 

 and bid the servant summons master Williams immediately to his 

 presence. While Master Williams was being screamed for through 

 the premises, I thought I might turn to subjects of lighter import. I 

 spoke of the theatres and the opera. He heard with apparent atten- 

 tion, and I fancied that I had interested him by my remarks, till his 

 reply, alas ! shewed too clearly, that his whole mind had been all the 

 while occupied in the labour of producing a small pun " These, 

 sir," said he, ie are not the subjects which engage our thoughts here. 

 We know of no theatre here, but the theatre of the Greeks no 

 opera but the Opera Virgilii" 



The laugh which followed this speech, loudly reverberated by the 

 expectant usher, occupied the remaining time till Master Williams 



