CONFESSIONS OF A TOAD EATER. 



I REALLY don't believe that I ever actually ate a toad ; though I 

 don't know what the kindness of my nature might induce me to do, 

 if a great man were to request me ; I would certainly strain a point 

 to oblige a great man. In my paper last month, I endeavoured to 

 throw some light upon this interesting art, not intending to go fur- 

 ther than the few hints there laid down. But that amiable feeling 

 which has induced me through life to make sacrifices, for the benefit 

 of others, prompts me to a continuance I am imbued with the pure 

 spirit of philanthrophy ; every action of my life bespeaks it ; else 

 why my concern for the world, why betray any feeling for that mi- 

 serable, degraded class of my fellow-creatures, the idle and worthless, 

 who they prefer a career of crime to what is called " honest industry." 

 Honesty has many friends ; but who shall avow himself the friend of 

 the criminal. Yet it is to this class, that I principally address 

 myself I ask them why they risk the brand, the whip, the gallows ? 

 why court for mere subsistence all imaginable horrors, at the bare 

 thought of which my sensitive nature recoils, when the noble art of 

 toad eating is before them. By adopting such interesting means, 

 they will earn their bread in a much more satisfactory manner, and 

 at much less risk could my principles be brought into practice, 

 Newgate would be cleared of its tenants. It is much easier to catch 

 flies with honey, than vinegar, as I once heard a hackney coachman 

 say while cheating his fare the maxim was not lost on me. 



Mr. Bentley had a manuscript of mine for publication, called 

 " Every Man his own Toad Eater ;" but respect for the profession 

 induced me to withdraw it. I conceive my benevolent intentions 

 might be frustrated by sweet wholesole instruction, the great mystery 

 must be held sacred. My purpose will be best answered by affordr 

 ing a few hints, by which the tyro may save himself from some of 

 the disadvantages to which every profession is more or less liable : 

 experience will teach the rest. Thank heaven ! upon the whole, I 

 have found it a very comfortable calling; I have amassed a very 

 pleasing competency I have never condescended to the drudgery of 

 existence; no acknowledged profession /trade or employment ever 

 soured the native benevolence of my mind. I was a Toad Eater 

 from my cradle, and by the aid of Providence I shall be a Toad 

 Eater to the day of my death. 



From the events of my earlier history which I am about to relate, 

 much good may be gathered ; I was dreadfully inexperienced, and 

 was practised upon most shamefully ; but I forgive them from my 

 heart, and what is more, I will forgive them, if they do so again. 



I accidentally met with an old school- fellow, we had been parti- 

 cular cronies together in the olden time; and an invitation to dine at 

 his house on the following Sunday was accepted. We met a happy 

 and a- cheerful day was spent by both, all the frolics of our boyhood, 

 the love passages of our youth, the fates, and fortunes of various 



